Jeff Barnes Quotes
Morgan: Are you guys ready?
Lester: I was born ready.
Jeff: I was born premature.
Captain Awesome: Okay, so how did everyone come with their chest compression?
(Captain Awesome walks into the room and sees Buy More employees beating up their aquatic dolls.)
Captain Awesome: Come on guys, what's wrong with you?
Jeff: I drink too much.
Lester: My parents had impossible standards.
Man, if I wanted to take tests, I would've been a boat captain.
Lester [to Morgan about Hannah]: How'd it go last night?
Jeff: You take her to pound town?
Lester: I'm gonna need an address on that.
Jeff [about Hannah]: I'm gonna totally hit that.
Lester: May the best stalker win.
Jeff [to Hannah]: Nice.
Chuck: Why don't we give jeff a couple minutes to realize he's in the real world.
Jeff: Your coffee sir.
Morgan: Jeffery, thank you so much. [takes a niff] Mmm hmm. You know, call me old fashioned, but I prefer cream over laxative.
Lester: The studs inside are going to ruin our chances with the medium-hot chicks from Underwear Unlimited.
Jeff: I've been drinking this jail juice since I was in diapers, I'll challenge them to a drinking contest and they'll pass out.
Lester: By process of elimination we land the ladies.
Lester [about Carina]: She brought for guys and no beer.
Jeff: Thanks a lot, now our party is a sausage fest.
Morgan: Carina is not just some girl. She's basically a Swedish supermodel. The country's greatest export since Björn Borg.
Jeff: People mistake him for me all the time.
Morgan: Chuck, sorry buddy. We are here to plead our case about Awesome's bachelor party.
Chuck: You know what, not now, guys. I'm in the middle of something.
Lester: The world revolves around the sun, Charles, not you.
Jeff: Ooh, astronomy snap.
Lester: Jeff and I...we've never been to a bachelor party.
Jeff: Never known anyone qualified enough to land a woman for life
