Jeff: I'm actually a Spanish tutor.
Britta: Can you say that in Spanish now?

Sorry, I was raised on TV. I was conditioned to believe that every black woman over 50 is a mentor of some kind.

There's a guy trying out for the track team that is older than the game of poker.

I did a little bit of lying to get close to you. I mean, you look like Elisbaeth Shue.

The Dean: I thought you had a degree from Columbia.
Jeff: Yes, and now I need to get one from America.

The state bar has suspended my license. They found out my college degree was less than legitimate.

Community Quotes

Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

Annie: How much effort am I worth?
Jeff: I'd break a light sweat.