Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
George: I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.
Jerry: What did you do?
George: I zipped up!
Elaine: So, she fell?
George: Yeah. Well, I couldn't run over there the way I was!
Jerry: What happened?
Elaine: It was, uh, John John.
Jerry and George: Ohhhhh. John John.
(George just found out that Susan was fired)
George: This is great! He fired her! This is incredible, he fired her. I'm out, baby! I'm out!
Jerry: Why did he fire her?
George: Because I kissed her in the meeting. Russell found out, he fired her over the phone. Finally, my stupidity pays off!
George: Hey, what about this? I'm in a car accident. The motorist is uninsured, you with me?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: My car's totaled. It's all his fault and now, he has absolutely no money. There is no way that he can pay me. So the judge decrees that he becomes my butler.
you know, it's a very interesting situation. Here you have a job that can get you girls. But, you also have a relationship. But if you try and get rid of the relationship so you can get the girls, you lose the job. You see the irony?
Jerry: This is your plan?
George: No, no. I'm just thinking.
Jerry: I don't think you are.
Jerry: Let me ask you this: is there any Tampax in your house?
George: Yeah
Jerry: Well, I'll tell you what you got here. You got yourself a girlfriend.
George: Oh no!
Jerry: So your boyfriend never came back from Berlin?
Marla: Never came back.
Jerry: Oh, you must have been devastated being left for a wall.
Jerry: She's a virgin. She just told me.
Elaine: I didn't know.
Jerry: Well, it's not like spotting a toupee!
Elaine: Do you think I should say something? Should I apologize? Was I being anti-virgin?
Jerry: Let me ask you something. When's the last time you went skiing?
George: About six years ago.
Jerry: I think you can take the lift ticket off your jacket now.
George: Women like skiers.
I don't like the opera. What are they singing for? Who sings? You got something to say, say it.
I like this opera crowd; I feel tough.