Michael: Tube city. You owe me one.
Jim: [interview] Co-managing is a give and take. You have to pick your battles. One of the battles I picked was Michael's idea of running plastic tubes all over the office with hamsters inside of them. He called it Tube City. So, yes, I do owe him one.

Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What's updog?
Jim: Nothing much, what's up with you?

Jim: You can't yell out "I need this, I need this" as you pin down an employee on your lap.
Michael: Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless!
Jim: Yup.
Michael: Do you understand you forced my hand.

Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
Jim: [on his cell phone] Dunder Mifflin, this is Jim!

Toby: Hey Jim!
Jim: Not now Toby! My God!
Michael: Get the hell out of here, idiot.
Toby: [walking away] What did I do?

Dwight: Who is Justice Beaver?
Jim: It's... a crime-fighting beaver.

Jim: Stop shoving me.
Dwight: Aww, stop shoving me. Stop grabbing my penis. Grow up.

This is parkour. Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible so technically they are doing parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital.

You gotta take a chance on something sometime, Pam.

Jim

One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.

Jim: Can't you do something about this?
Robert: Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.

You've been shown a nonsensical video. You're probably wondering what's going on. Well, you're not alone.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael