Everything I have I owe to this job...this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.

Dwight: If you're ever in the area, you'll always have a place to stay...in my barn.
Jim: There it is.

Jim: I think it's time for you to bury the hatchet.
Dwight: Waste of a good hatchet.

Not enough for me? You are everything.

Dwight: You're a good assistant Jim.
Jim: Not as good as you.
Dwight: That's very true. Get the hell out of here.

Dwight: We're third cousins, which is great for bloodlines and isn't technically incest.
Jim: Right in the sweet spot.

By two o'clock Dwight will choose himself to be the assistant to his own assistant, me.

Jim: That's my favorite part of Christmas, the authority.
Pam: And the fear.

Dwight: Is there a belt above black?
Jim: You should ask him. It's a color you would never expect.

Dwight: Jim, tell him wear he can stick his grapes.
Jim: In the fridge!

Jim: The raise isn't real.
Dwight: Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard.

Jim: Can't you do something about this?
Robert: Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael