Popular Jim Halpert Quotes
Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What's updog?
Jim: Nothing much, what's up with you?
Andy: Beer me!
Jim: What's that?
Andy: Hand me that water. I always say, "Beer me." Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time.
Jim: Lord, beer me strength.
Michael: Jim, Jim!
Jim: What is it?
Michael: That is vodka and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange-vod-juice...ka.
Jim: Wow, that is delicious.
Jim: Can't believe no one's thought of that.
Michael: I know!
Not enough for me? You are everything.
Michael: Dwight, what's your middle name?
Michael: Something with a 'K'.
Jim: It's Kurt. Wow, I'm so sad I know that.
Everything I have I owe to this job...this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.
Creed: I want to set you up with my daughter.
Jim: Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.
Creed: I thought you were gay.
Jim: Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter?
Creed: I don't know.
Dwight: You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, so I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim: ... MICHAEL!
Dwight: Oh, that's funny. MICHAEL!
Dwight: Ding dong.
Jim: Who is it?
Jim: Alright. I just got out of the shower, I'll be one second.
Dwight: [in accent] When you are done, open the door. ... Hello in there?
Jim: Yeah, I'm late for work, so I have to brush my teeth, it's a whole routine.
Dwight: We have more houses to visit.
Jim: If you want to come back then, that'll be fine.
Dwight: We will come back at... how is [looks at watch] 4:45?
Jim: I get back from work around 6.
Dwight: How about 5:15?
Jim: You can try. That, that might work.
Dwight: Very well, we will come back at 5:15.
Michael: You know what eats a large amount of the day? Naps. You go to sleep it's light out, you wake up it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea.
Jim: You mean on a weekend.
Michael: [pause] Yes.
Michael: That is a $200 plasma TV you just killed! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe! [Jan runs upstairs crying]
Woman: I'm gonna get going.
Dwight: Fine. Get outta here.
Jim: It's getting late.
Michael: You know what guys? She'll be out of the bathroom real soon.
Jim: I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery, so from time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future: "Dwight, at 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight."