Michael: Jim, Jim!
Jim: What is it?
Michael: That is vodka and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange-vod-juice...ka.
Jim: Wow, that is delicious.
Michael: Yeah.
Jim: Can't believe no one's thought of that.
Michael: I know!

Not enough for me? You are everything.

Andy: Beer me!
Jim: What's that?
Andy: Hand me that water. I always say, "Beer me." Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time.
Jim: Lord, beer me strength.

Dwight: What's your daughter's name again? Pee Pee?
Jim: Pee Pa.

Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What's updog?
Jim: Nothing much, what's up with you?

Ryan (as NHL coach): On your marks. Get set...
Jim (as Goldenface): Die.

Michael: That is a $200 plasma TV you just killed! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe! [Jan runs upstairs crying]
Woman: I'm gonna get going.
Dwight: Fine. Get outta here.
Jim: It's getting late.
Michael: You know what guys? She'll be out of the bathroom real soon.

Dwight: You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, so I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim: ... MICHAEL!
Dwight: Oh, that's funny. MICHAEL!

Jim: I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery, so from time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future: "Dwight, at 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight."

Oscar: So, Pam told me you do a great Stanley impression. I'd love to hear it.
Jim: Oh, um. "Why do you keep CCing me on things that have nothing to do with me?"
Stanley: Is that supposed to be me?
Jim: Oh, hey, Stanley. Uh, I was just doing an impression.
Stanley: I do not think that is funny.
Pam: He does everyone in the office.
Stanley: Hmph. [leaves]
Jim and Pam: "I do not think that is funny."

Michael: Guys! Beef: it's what's for dinner! Who wants some man meat?
Dwight: I do! I want some man meat!
Jim: Michael, Dwight would like your man meat.
Michael: Well then, my man meat he shall have.

Once a year Dwight holds a seminar for us on karate. Because one thing we know that thousand-year-old martial arts do each year is ... change.

The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.

Andy