Monica: (About Joey's modeling job) Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those "healthy, healthy, healthy guys"?
Phoebe: You know, the asthma guy was really cute.
Chandler: Do you know which one you're gonna be?
Joey: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... (Crosses fingers)
Chandler: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.

Joey: You wanna get her something special, get her flowers. Get her candy. Get her gum. Girls love gum.
Chandler: That's a good idea, "Dear Janice, have a Hubba Bubba birthday!" I would like to get her something serious.
Joey: Oh you want to get her something serious? You know what you should do, you should get her one of those um barium enemas. Those are dead serious.
Chandler: All Right. Look, I'm gonna go in here, and you don't buy me anything ever.

Joey: Oh, it was amazing. You know how you always think you're great in bed?
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.

Monica: Huddle up.
Joey: All right, huddle up, right over here.
Phoebe: Wait for me! Wait for me! Wait for me! Oh cool, this is my first huddle.
Monica: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay, so what do you guys really think of Chandler?
Monica: Okay, Phoebe you know what you're doing right?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: Okay, Joey's gonna catch it, and you and I are gonna block.
Phoebe: What's block?
Monica: Phoebe, I thought you said you know what you're doing?
Phoebe: I thought you meant in life.

Joey: How can you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one! No, wait. That's Popes into a Volkswagen.

Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently, he's reached sexual maturity.
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey! He beat ya!

Joey: All right, when did ya have it on last?
Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!
Chandler: You don't get a lot of "doy" these days.

Chandler: Joe... Joe... Joe... Stalin?
Joey: Stalin! Stalin. Do I know that name? It sounds familiar.
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me!
Joey: Joe Stalin. You know, that's pretty good!
Chandler: Hey, you know, you might wanna try Joseph.
Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that!

Joey: You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?!
Chandler: You're kidding!
Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that!
Chandler: Ya know, you'd think I would have.

Phoebe: (Looking at a water sculpture that looks like a window with rain running down it) Hey, excellent, excellent water-table thing.
Joey: Thanks, yeah. I love this, but you know what? It makes me want to pee.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, me too. Yeah. I think that's the challenge.

Joey: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who, who got what?
Chandler, Phoebe & Rachel: I had one.
Monica: I need two. I'm bringing Pete. My boyfriend. I have a boyfriend now!
Joey: Two it is. Ross, how about you?
Ross: Uh, yeah, I, ah, I also need two.
Monica: Really? Who's number two?
Chandler: Who's number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
Ross: Uh, no, it's, it's just this person.
Phoebe: Like a date type person?
Ross: Yeah, kinda. It's this woman from work. I hope that won't be too weird. Will it, Rach?
Rachel: No. No, not at all, not at all. I actually was gonna bring someone myself, so...
Joey: But you said one.
Rachel: I meant, me plus one!
Joey: Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did, ah, you guys mean you plus one?

Director: (Reading a review of the play) "Joey Tribbiani gave an uneven performance as the lead, Victor. However Mr. Tribbiani was not the worst part of this production."
Joey: Yes!!!

Friends Quotes

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Phoebe: Okay, Joey, your bet.
Joey: I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (The girls look at him, confused.) Oh, I'm out.