Well, I wouldn't want to ruin a sale, huh? Guess you guys got to make those commissions to be able to buy all the goddamn... the FUBU, and the Oshkosh B'gosh, and the sh*t the baby's gonna be wearing. Hey, potential home buyers. Hope ya'll know there were alotta rapes that happened in this house

I learned alot down in Mexico. I learned that sometimes to be the man, you gotta beat the man. I learned the grass is not always greener. I learned that adversity's sweet milk. That's philosophy, April.

Do I have all the attentions of everyone? Attentions please. For those of y'all who do not know who I am, my name is Kenny Powers. And as f*cked up and weird as it may seem, I used to be a teacher here. But now I return to you. A victor, a champion, a man who has defeated the face of Mexican baseball... not to... get back my old job... f*ck that noise.

But to capture the heart of one of your teachers, and take her away from you forever. So at this time I would like the beautiful, the forgiving, the talented, big-chested art teacher, to please step forward.

Chapter One Continued. More of what I was just saying... Never in a million years would I imagine myself being in Mexico. After all, who would? Most Mexicans spend the bulk of their day just trying to get out, so you can hardly blame foreigners like myself for not thinkin' about gettin' in.

Oddly enough, the people here aren't that different from the ones back home, when you get past the lack of interest in real sports, and the need to have yellow rice at every f*ckin' meal.

Can't help but notice how much they stick together too. I mean, when you see Mexicans in the States you think, 'oh, there's a group of Mexicans, doin' Mexican things together', but here you see that it's not just because they talk the same language, and are all Catholic. Family means alot to these people. Relationships, husbands, wives, parents, all that sh*t.

Reminds me of why I'm here in the first place. A quest is nuthin' if you got no one to brag about it too, will never reach the end if you're only doing it for yourself. Me, I'm doing it for a girl I had to leave behind, just to get this far. Now I gotta go a little further to get back to her. All I can do is hope that one day she'll understand, and when that day comes, it's not too late.

Whenever I look at a Mexican I will think of you. Whenever you look at that jackass you think of me, okay?

A goddamn Mexican standoff in f*ckin' Mexico. I was hoping to get into one of these before I left.

That sweet tailpipe of yours did have me charmed. It put a spell on me, but all the ass magic in Mexico can't change Kenny Powers from his core beliefs. I'm not an ass man. I'm a tit man. I like big ass boobs - now, and forever. I'm not like a black guy, Vida.

Too hot for hugs here, man. I've been battlin' a war with swamp ass since I got down here.

Eastbound & Down Quotes

So as I was saying, the amount of money I am gonna be making would hurt your parents feelings. You remember the class where I taught you all how to make it rain? That's what I'm gonna be doing every single night - dolla, dolla bills, y'all...

Kenny Powers

Down there I fought and fucked my way to being the greatest gringo that country has ever seen.