You're too charactery to be a lead, and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor.

This is a documentary? Ohhhh. I always thought we were like specimens in a human zoo.

I go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes.

Meredith: If I ever got that bad, you'd tell me right?
Kevin: Meredith I tell you all the time.

Okay, this is really hard to follow. Can we just say Pete, because that's the guy Erin's flirting with?

We're aware of what it means Oscar, you just do not look cool saying it.

Dwight: Excuse me, I have to run to my car, to take a dump.
Kevin: wish my car had a bathroom.

Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?

Kevin: He's a sweet kid Daryl, but he's not the sharpest guy in the drawer.
Pete: Kevin, I can hear you.

I don't think that you understand wheels.

I am enormously proud of what I did for that turtle.

You can't eat cats, Kevin.

The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.

Andy