You're too charactery to be a lead, and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor.

This is a documentary? Ohhhh. I always thought we were like specimens in a human zoo.

I go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes.

Meredith: If I ever got that bad, you'd tell me right?
Kevin: Meredith I tell you all the time.

Okay, this is really hard to follow. Can we just say Pete, because that's the guy Erin's flirting with?

We're aware of what it means Oscar, you just do not look cool saying it.

Dwight: Excuse me, I have to run to my car, to take a dump.
Kevin: wish my car had a bathroom.

Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?

Kevin: He's a sweet kid Daryl, but he's not the sharpest guy in the drawer.
Pete: Kevin, I can hear you.

I don't think that you understand wheels.

I am enormously proud of what I did for that turtle.

You can't eat cats, Kevin.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael