Kevin Malone Quotes
Michael: This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. One over there, in the orange [points to Andy]
Andy: Hey-o!
Michael: There you go! Where's the other?
Charles: You know, Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history.
Michael: Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin and he has no sexual history.
Kevin: Hey!
Lynn: Hi.
Kevin: Lynn, I'm just gonna say to you everything that I am thinking.
Lynn: OK.
Kevin: I think you have the best smile. I'd like to take you out to dinner and a movie.
Lynn: OK.
Kevin: Nice. Boobs.
Kevin: You guys are throwing a lot at me.
Jim: All I'm saying is that it's a first dates, so just keep a respectful distance.
Kevin: Right.
Pam: I don't think Jim means to say that you shouldn't touch her.
Jim: No, that is what I mean.
Pam: [to Jim] Shush. [to Kevin] Kevin, a playful touch on the arm, or on the back, it can show your interest and it's really romantic.
Kevin: [puts hand on Jim's hand] Like that?
Jim: No, stop it.
Andy: Don't touch her. Don't talk to her. Don't look at her.
Andy, Pam, and Jim are all telling me how to deal with this girl that I like, Lynn. I, I don't like getting advice from more than one person at a time. I'm a textbook over-thinker.
Kevin: I think I should call her.
Andy: No! No! No!
Kevin: Why is it so bad for me to call and ask her to lunch today?
Andy: [sighs] You're making it too easy for her. You're just conveying, 'Oh I like you just the way you are.'
Kevin: But I do like her just the way she is.
Andy: Well that's not what we agreed on.
Jim: What are you doing?
Andy: Huh?
Jim: [to Kevin] Why don't you just go out on a date with her? Try to spark up an on going joke and then in a month or two, if it feels right, you'll know.
Andy: No.
Pam: You don't have to wait that long. I mean, you don't have to wait a month to ask her out. Just ask her out.
Andy: You're asking him to give up all of his power.
Jim: What power?
Kevin: Hey, I'm sorry we did not have a chance to talk more. I get very nervous talking to pretty girls. Seriously, feel how sweaty my hand is.
Lynn: That's really sweaty.
Kevin: Are you on email?
Lynn: Oh, yeah.
Kevin: Cool. Bye.
Lynn: Bye, Kevin.
Dwight: ...and the kind of discounts we're talking about are not... hold on - Michael, Why do you keep looking at the front door?
Michael: No reason.
Dwight: Is somebody after you?
Oscar: Why do you always go to that? Has anyone ever been after anyone in this office?
Dwight: Hey, it just takes one!
Michael: Nobody's after me, I just, I met a woman when I was giving blood and I thought she might come by.
Kelly: You met a woman when you were giving blood? That is so romantic.
Michael: It's not a big deal really, I just, you know met somebody, we hardly talked, I picked up her glove so I was hoping I could give it back to her.
Kelly: Oh my God, that makes it even more romantic. This is like a modern day Enchanted, it's like a fairy tale.
I think I blew it. It all happened so fast. So... fast.
Kevin: At the Circle Drive-In they show old movies. It's really cool.
Lynn: That does sound cool.
Kevin: I used to go there with my fiance. Before she left me. No, I mean, before I left her. She left me. [walks away dejected]
Dwight: Dwight K. Schrute. Why don't you introduce me to your little friend? Hi, Dwight.
Michael: Babe alert! [to redhead] Hello, I'm Michael Scott, welcome to our little shindig.
Lynn: Oh, hi! I'm Lynn.
Michael: Lynn, follow me, come on in. For you we have one of our top people Kevin Malone. Kevin, come out here show your beautiful self.
Kevin: Hello.
Lynn: Hi.
Michael: So run with the ball! Run with it, Kev. Where you from?
Kevin: I'm from here!
Michael: Yeah, OK. Well, he only gets better.
Kevin: Thank you, Michael.
Kevin: My worst breakup was with Stacy. It was a Sunday morning, we were reading the paper, and I said "Oh my God, I think the Eagles could clinch the NFC East!" and she said that we're done.
Michael: You know what guys? I don't think we need to do this.
Dwight: You're right. OK everyone, back to work.
Kevin: A week later a friend of mine calls me up, and he says "I just saw him in a gay bar in Kansas City."
Michael: Well then it's a happy ending, because he was gay. You should call him!
Angela: My worst breakup was actually two breakups. Two different men. I was in love with both of them and when things went bad they had a duel over me.
Oscar: Yeah, Dwight and Andy. We were here.
Angela: No, this was years ago when I was living in Ohio. John Mark and John David.
Oscar: Angela, you had two sets of different men actually duel over you?
Angela: I guess I have. Huh.
Michael: Alright who's next? Where's Andy?
Oscar: He's on one of his honeymoons.
