Liz Lemon Quotes
Liz: Um, yeah, okay. What I'm saying is you need to wear a bra to work if you wanna be taken seriously in this business.
Cerie: Oh, but I don't actually wanna work in television. Career-wise, I'm just gonna marry rich and design handbags.
Liz: Here's the thing. The way you dress is making some people around the office... uncomfortable.
Cerie: Really? Who?
Pete: Oh my god! Wha... what are you wearing?!
Frank: You're making me gay.
Liz: It's a joke, obviously. I'm wearing this as a joke. Bunch of comedy writers don't know a joke, jeez. [goes to her office]
Frank: I just threw up in my mouth.
Liz: I said it's a joke!
Jack: Are you familiar with the Japanese art of Reiki?
Liz: No.
Jack: It is the laying on of hands in order to improve one's life.
Liz: How does your life improve? Do the hands have money in them?
You're trying to bring logic to the Robot-Bear sketch?
Liz: Why does he always assume we're lesbians?
Gretchen: I am a lesbian.
Liz: What made you think I was gay?
Jack: Your shoes.
Liz: Well, I'm straight.
Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.
Jack: Poker night? How many play?
Liz: Oh, you're not going to come to our crappy poker night, are you?
Jack: No, I'm not going to come.
Liz: [relieved] Good!
Jack: I bluffed. I am coming.
Liz: I can't believe you bet your wedding ring.
Pete: I know. Weird thing is... I had money left.
Liz: Well it was nice of you to let him keep his job.
Jack: The Italians have a saying, Lemon. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. And although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct. In five years we'll all either be working for him... or dead by his hand.
Kenneth: Excuse me, Ms. Lemon, but, you're on the monitors right now, so...
Liz: Everyone in the building can see and hear me...
Kenneth: Yes.
[to the writers] I didn't say anything about you guys that I wouldn't have said to your faces.
Liz: Mr. Donaghy, I sincerely apologize; I'm so embarrassed.
Jack: Well, I guess you must be embarrassed if you're hiding in the storage closet.
Liz: This is my office.
