Popular Marshall Eriksen Quotes
You smell that? That's the smell of urine that isn't Marvin's.
Ted: Victoria is happy we're taking things slow.
Marshall: Oh oh honey sweetie baby. No thirty-two year old woman is happy taking things slow. Trust me, Victoria has got friends from high school posting pictures of second babies on Facebook and you think girlfriend's all like, oh lets just bone a bunch so I'm another year older and still single? Bitch please!
Ted: Why wouldn't she just come right out and say what she wants?
Marshall: Men! It's like if there weren't pickle jars to open and spiders to kill and computers to back up, what would be their point?
Lily: MmHm.
Lily: Look Ted, it gets exhausting constantly giving people advice they haven't asked for, so I'm training Marshall
Marshall: My goal is to eventually say things that are so sassy and wise, that there is no possible response other than Mm or Mmhm. And if this is a place where we can share our dreams, I like to think that it is, I hope someday, to earn a...testify!
Okay that's ridiculous! Is Nick a genius? No. But does he have average intelligence? No! But he is a human being with a heart!
Judge 1: Thank you Mr. Eriksen. The panel will take this under advisement.
Marshall: Take your time.
Judge 2: It could be a few months.
Marshall: Better tell my wife then I won't be home for dinner.
Judge 2: Get out!
Ted: Barney, or should I say Borrowney?
Marshall: You should never say that.
Ted: I need to grow up. Oh by the way I'm breaking a jinx swear here so don't tell Barney or he gets to whack me in the nuts three times with a whiffle ball bat.
Marshall: Sure, pretty standard.
Lily: Okay but hurry, or I'm gonna start doing number eleven on my own.
Marshall: You can do that by yourself?
Lily: Pilates bitch!
Lily: I am so happy right now.
Marshall: I want to see her throw her life away so badly.
Ted: We're all terrible people. Turn it up.
Ted: That's weird, I have a message.
Marshall: That's weird, you still have an answering machine.
Robin: He's looking for Lily. Should I give him her number?
Marshall: Yeah we've already discussed it. It's four million dollars cash.
