The name is Bond...Santa Bond. I'll have an eggnog, shaken not stirred.

Thank you Scranton Strangler. I love you. You just took one more person's breath away.

Toby: Let's just say I'll be up to my neck in jury duty.
Michael: That was the worst joke ever.

Toby: I just wanted to let you know that I'll be taking a leave of absence starting next week.
Michael: Oh because you've been on the lam? Because the boring police have been after you? And they finally caught up with you?

Jim: Haven't you noticed that I don't bring up the Tour de France around him?
Michael: Yes!

So, where were we before I bested Oscar?

Erin: What if we all get together and help each other and hire a new guy, and then we all kill him, but first we take out like a hundred thousand dollar life insurance policy? I bet you guys like that idea, don't you?...I think that's what they're doing to me. I can't prove it but I wanted to see their faces when I said it. I learned nothing.
Michael: I don't know what the f*ck that w

Oscar is my Queen. That's easy, give me a hard one - that's what Oscar said.

Toby is the instruction card you throw away.

Moving backwards, our IT guys have been Glasses, Turban, Ear Hair, Fatty 3, Shorts, Fatty 2, Lozenge, and Fatso.

If you break that girl's heart I will kill you. That's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart I will literally kill you and your entire family.

Gabe: Michael, you are making this harder than it has to be.
Michael: That's what she said.

The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.

Andy