Michael Scott Quotes
Michael: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here, we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include "That's what she said?"
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.
Michael: That's what she said!
Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
Michael
Michael: This next award goes to someone who really lights up the office, somebody who I think a lot of us cannot keep from checking out, 'The Hottest in the Office Award', goes to... Ryan the Temp! YEAH! Hey HO! You sexy thing! Sexy thing you! Whoo!
[cut to interview]
Ryan: What am I going to do with the award? Nothing. I don't know what I'm going to do. That's the least of my concerns right now.
Michael: I was on a hot date with a girl from HR, Dwight...
Dwight: Really? We don't have any girls in HR.
Michael: You know for the sake of the story... and things were getting hot and heavy...
Dwight: Yeah!
Michael: And I was about to take her bra off...
Dwight: Yeah!
Michael: And she made me fill out six hours worth of paperwork.
Dwight: Like an AIDS test?
Michael: No. God, Dwight.
Michael: This year's "Busiest Beaver" award goes to Phyllis Lapin!
Phyllis: This says "Bushiest Beaver."
Michael: I told them "Busiest"... idiots.
TMI? — "Too Much Information." Uh, it's just easier to say TMI. I used to say "don't go there," but that's lame. Hey, what ever happened to 'wheres the beef?'? That was funny for a while...
Michael
A lot of the people here don't get trophies very often, like Meredith or Kevin, I mean who's going to give Kevin an award, Dunkin' Donuts? Plus, bonus, it's really really funny. So I, you know, an employee will go home, and he'll tell his neighbor, "Hey, did you get an award?" And the neighbor will say, "No man. I mean I slave all day and nobody notices me." Next thing you know, employee smells something terrible coming from the neighbor's house. Neighbor's hanged himself, due to lack of recognition.
Michael
Starbucks. Oh man, that place is like the promised land!
Michael
Coffee is a drug. It is quite literally a drug. It speeds people up. It's not the only drug that speeds people up. You hear stories about Dunder-Mifflin in the '80s before people knew how bad cocaine was... gahhhh, man did they move paper!
Ryan: [helping clean out Michael's car] What about this bottle of power drink on the back seat.
Michael: What flavor?
Ryan: Blue.
Michael: Blue is not a flavor.
Ryan: It says: "Flavor: Blue Blast."
Michael: Ooh, Blue Blast. Put that in the left cup holder...
Michael: Hey Pam, how would you like to be our cheerleader today? You know, some uh pigtails, little ah, halter top you could tie that up. And, you know, some little, just youthful for a change, just this once.
Pam: I don't think so Michael. Besides, I can't cheer against my fiancé.
Jim: I'll do it. Wear a little flouncy skirt if you want, and ...
Michael: Yeah i bet you would, just try not to be too gay on the court. And by gay I mean, um, you know not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad at sports way. I think that goes without saying.
Pam: Maybe Angela would cheerlead.
Michael: Oh, yeah right.
Phyllis: I'll do it.
Michael: Oh, yuck, that's worse than you playing.
