Oscar: Please don't say anything offensive.
Kevin: Got that bimbo?
Erin: Got it bimbo.

I apologize for my friend, and for the Republicans who cutting your funding.

This guy's been gone long enough. He's lost his right to a window.

Pam: You're in the gay mafia.
Oscar: You're thinking of another group. Much wealthier, much older. You sound ignorant.

Angela's engaged to a gay man. As a gay man, I'm horrified. As a friend of Angela's, horrified. As a lover of elegant weddings, I'm a little excited.

Oscar: What town do Holly's parents live in?
Michael: I'm not sure...Mount tuh (mumbles).
Kevin: Sounds beautiful.

Oscar: Will you marry me?
Holly: No.
Michael: That marriage would be a sham.

Pam: Michael, she's perfect for you.
Oscar: She's the one.
Jim: She's amazing. This is very exciting.

Oscar: Go on. Kiss each other already.
Kevin: Suck it Oscar. This must kill you.

Michael: Holly and I are moving in together. Oscar this must be tough for you, watching this go down. You could not stand in the way of true love my friend.
Oscar: Are you kidding? I wasn't trying to break you guys up.
Kevin: Better luck next time pal!

Ryan: I don't wanna be married until everyone can be married.
Oscar: You know what Ryan? I talked to the other gay guys, and we're okay with it. We all agreed it's fine for you to get married.

Oscar: Sorry I yelled.
Pam: You could have just told us what you were thinking.
Oscar: There's no theater in that.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael