Pam: [on phone] Yeah, that's no problem.
Michael: Pam?
Pam: [on phone] Sure. Uh huh.
Michael: Pam? Knock, knock.
Pam: I'm on the phone.
Michael: I know you are. Knock, knock.
Pam: [on phone] You can fax it over. Yeah, 5-7-0-5-5-5-0-1-
Michael: [at same time as Pam] 4-9-1-7-4-5-1
Pam: 0-1-7-5. Thank you. Bye, bye. [to Michael] It really makes us look unprofessional.
Michael: They would never know it was me doing it. Here we go, Knock, knock.
Pam: Who's there?
Michael: Buddha.
Pam: Buddha who?
Michael: [puts a slice of bread and stick of butter on Pam's desk] Buddha this bread for me, won't you?
Pam: Great.

Bob: OK then.
Jim: So...
Bob: Where were we?
Phyllis: Bowling.
Pam: Yep, that, yeah.
Bob: You didn't eat much there Jimbo.
Jim: Oh initially I did.
Bob: Want some meat?
Phyllis: Oh sure, a little piece. Ooh, no mushroom though.
Bob: Forgot.
Phyllis: Yeah, thank you.

Jim: Here they come.
Pam: [looking up from stealing Bob's food] What?
Jim: No, just kidding. Seriously though, that's enough.
Pam: Well, you should cover it with the broccoli.
Jim: Oh great, I have to cover?
Pam: Do you think they dined and dashed?
Jim: Well they didn't dine so, yeah, maybe they just dashed.
Pam: I thought we were having a nice time.
Jim: We were.
Pam: Yeah.

Pam: What's the rule about eating when people are in the bathroom?
Jim: I think if you ordered hot food you're allowed to eat.
Pam: Oh, damn. They've been in there for like 10 minutes.
Jim: Look at that. Bob ordered hot food.
Pam: Yes. And I think they gave him too many fries.
Jim: We should help him out.

Pam: Jim uses a 6 pound ball.
Jim: That is a lie, that is a lie.
Pam: Yes, he bowled 5 frames with this pink sparkly thing until a little girl had to ask for her ball back.
Jim: But! That girl must've had monstrous hands because the holes fit.
Pam: No, you just have little dainty fingers.
Bob: Oh yeah. You can always model ladies' jewelry.
Jim: Nobody asked, Bob!

Bob: Everyone here who's bowled a 280 please raise your hand. [Bob does so]
Jim: No way, a 280?
Pam: Wow, that's impressive.
Phyllis: Okay. Now everyone here who's bowled under 70 raise their hand.
Jim: Yikes.

Phyllis: It is so nice to go out with another couple.
Pam: Anything to get out of that office.
Phyllis: I know.
Bob: I honestly don't know how you can work with that jackass, that other jackass, and that new jackass.
Phyllis: He's talking about Michael, Dwight, and Andy.
Jim: Yeah, I understood.

Phyllis: Hey, why don't you guys come have lunch with Bob and me? We'll take all afternoon. [whispering] Michael is terrified of Bob.
Pam: What do you think?
Jim: I have a lot of work to do this afternoon. Those mines aren't gonna sweep themselves.
Pam: We're in.

Jim: Uh, I actually thought we were keeping it pretty low-key.
Michael: Well, if you guys insist on having your own private little love fest-
Jim: We do.
Michael: - that none of us can be a part of-
Pam: You can't be a part of our relationship, Michael.
Michael: - then, we, are gonna have our own private Valentine's Day party.
Jim: That sounds fun.
Michael: So suck it. Hey everybody, I just invited Jim to suck it, and I am cordially inviting all of you to a special convention, a lonely heart's convention, this afternoon. Singles only.
Dwight: Yeah, deal with it Pam!
Michael: So we may not have someone in our lives that we love, but we do have each other.

Michael: Pam, really, they're back?
Pam: I can't see them when they're on the floor
Jim: They're for her to look at, Michael.
Michael: Can I have a word with you, Jim?
Jim: Yes, let's have a word.
Michael: Yes, um, Jim. Today is a very difficult day for a lot of people in this office.
Jim: Oh, I'm sorry.
Michael: Yeah. And the sexy looks between you and Pam, the general sexiness, the flowers, it's creating a bit of a hostile work environment.
Jim: I understand that.
Dwight: So sexy it becomes hostile.
Michael: Mm-hmm.

Pam: This is our first and only Valentine's Day as fiances.
Jim: You're only engaged once. Well present company excluded, but...
Pam: Really, Jim? On Cupid's birthday?
Jim: Yeah...

They have new phone systems now that can ring directly to a salesman, or someone presses star and they go to accounting, basically 95 percent of my job. But I'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone. [realizing] Vending machine...

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.