Pam: [on phone] Yeah, that's no problem.
Michael: Pam?
Pam: [on phone] Sure. Uh huh.
Michael: Pam? Knock, knock.
Pam: I'm on the phone.
Michael: I know you are. Knock, knock.
Pam: [on phone] You can fax it over. Yeah, 5-7-0-5-5-5-0-1-
Michael: [at same time as Pam] 4-9-1-7-4-5-1
Pam: 0-1-7-5. Thank you. Bye, bye. [to Michael] It really makes us look unprofessional.
Michael: They would never know it was me doing it. Here we go, Knock, knock.
Pam: Who's there?
Michael: Buddha.
Pam: Buddha who?
Michael: [puts a slice of bread and stick of butter on Pam's desk] Buddha this bread for me, won't you?
Pam: Great.

Bob: OK then.
Jim: So...
Bob: Where were we?
Phyllis: Bowling.
Pam: Yep, that, yeah.
Bob: You didn't eat much there Jimbo.
Jim: Oh initially I did.
Bob: Want some meat?
Phyllis: Oh sure, a little piece. Ooh, no mushroom though.
Bob: Forgot.
Phyllis: Yeah, thank you.

Jim: Here they come.
Pam: [looking up from stealing Bob's food] What?
Jim: No, just kidding. Seriously though, that's enough.
Pam: Well, you should cover it with the broccoli.
Jim: Oh great, I have to cover?
Pam: Do you think they dined and dashed?
Jim: Well they didn't dine so, yeah, maybe they just dashed.
Pam: I thought we were having a nice time.
Jim: We were.
Pam: Yeah.

Pam: What's the rule about eating when people are in the bathroom?
Jim: I think if you ordered hot food you're allowed to eat.
Pam: Oh, damn. They've been in there for like 10 minutes.
Jim: Look at that. Bob ordered hot food.
Pam: Yes. And I think they gave him too many fries.
Jim: We should help him out.

Pam: Jim uses a 6 pound ball.
Jim: That is a lie, that is a lie.
Pam: Yes, he bowled 5 frames with this pink sparkly thing until a little girl had to ask for her ball back.
Jim: But! That girl must've had monstrous hands because the holes fit.
Pam: No, you just have little dainty fingers.
Bob: Oh yeah. You can always model ladies' jewelry.
Jim: Nobody asked, Bob!

Bob: Everyone here who's bowled a 280 please raise your hand. [Bob does so]
Jim: No way, a 280?
Pam: Wow, that's impressive.
Phyllis: Okay. Now everyone here who's bowled under 70 raise their hand.
Jim: Yikes.

Phyllis: It is so nice to go out with another couple.
Pam: Anything to get out of that office.
Phyllis: I know.
Bob: I honestly don't know how you can work with that jackass, that other jackass, and that new jackass.
Phyllis: He's talking about Michael, Dwight, and Andy.
Jim: Yeah, I understood.

Phyllis: Hey, why don't you guys come have lunch with Bob and me? We'll take all afternoon. [whispering] Michael is terrified of Bob.
Pam: What do you think?
Jim: I have a lot of work to do this afternoon. Those mines aren't gonna sweep themselves.
Pam: We're in.

Jim: Uh, I actually thought we were keeping it pretty low-key.
Michael: Well, if you guys insist on having your own private little love fest-
Jim: We do.
Michael: - that none of us can be a part of-
Pam: You can't be a part of our relationship, Michael.
Michael: - then, we, are gonna have our own private Valentine's Day party.
Jim: That sounds fun.
Michael: So suck it. Hey everybody, I just invited Jim to suck it, and I am cordially inviting all of you to a special convention, a lonely heart's convention, this afternoon. Singles only.
Dwight: Yeah, deal with it Pam!
Michael: So we may not have someone in our lives that we love, but we do have each other.

Michael: Pam, really, they're back?
Pam: I can't see them when they're on the floor
Jim: They're for her to look at, Michael.
Michael: Can I have a word with you, Jim?
Jim: Yes, let's have a word.
Michael: Yes, um, Jim. Today is a very difficult day for a lot of people in this office.
Jim: Oh, I'm sorry.
Michael: Yeah. And the sexy looks between you and Pam, the general sexiness, the flowers, it's creating a bit of a hostile work environment.
Jim: I understand that.
Dwight: So sexy it becomes hostile.
Michael: Mm-hmm.

Pam: This is our first and only Valentine's Day as fiances.
Jim: You're only engaged once. Well present company excluded, but...
Pam: Really, Jim? On Cupid's birthday?
Jim: Yeah...

They have new phone systems now that can ring directly to a salesman, or someone presses star and they go to accounting, basically 95 percent of my job. But I'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone. [realizing] Vending machine...

The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.


When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.