Phoebe Buffay Quotes
Monica: Why is this car in my bedroom?
Phoebe: I'm sorry, okay, I wasn't looking, and the store says that they won't take it back because you signed for it...
Monica: When did I sign for it?
Phoebe: When I was you! Ya know what? It's all Joey's fault, 'cause he left his nose open!
Monica: Did you make brownies today?
Delivery Man: You Miss Geller?
Phoebe: Okay.
Delivery Man: Sign here.
Phoebe: Do I have a middle name? (Looks at Joey who makes an "I don't know" face) All right. Monica Felula Geller.
Joey: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?
Phoebe: Yeah, so please, please, please, don't say anything to Chandler.
Joey: (Sounding offended) You want me to lie to Chandler?
Phoebe: Is that a problem?
Joey: No.
Ross: (His foot gets caught in the pool table's pocket while making out with Phoebe) I can't get it out.
Phoebe: That's not something a girl wants to hear.
Ross: Sorry... Ow!
Phoebe: What?
Ross: Stupid balls are in the way...
(Looking out the window) Wow, Cute Naked Guy's really starting to put on weight.
Ross: I think my marriage is over.
Phoebe: Why?
Ross: Because Carol's a lesbian ... and I'm not ... and apparently it's not a mix-and-match situation ...
Phoebe: No, Mr. Heckles, we weren't making any noise!
Mr. Heckles: You're disturbing my oboe practice.
Phoebe: You don't play the oboe.
Mr. Heckles: I could play the oboe.
Phoebe: Well, then I'm going to have to ask you to keep it down. (Slams the door)
Janice: Who of the six of you has slept with who of the six of you?
Phoebe: Wow, it's like a dirty math problem.
Phoebe: Do you know that I couldn't sleep for, like, a month because I got a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions?
Monica: Well, you could have just turned the cushion over.
Phoebe: I would have, except I had a big spaghetti stain on the other side.
Monica: What?!
Phoebe: See, this is what I'm talking about. I need to live in a land where people can spill!
Monica: You can spill . . . in the sink.
Phoebe: Okay. All right, this is my favorite part of the weekend. Right now, this.
Franck: This?
Phoebe: Uh huh.
Franck: Oh, come on. We went, we went to Time Square. We found ninja stars. I almost got arm broken by a hooker...
Phoebe: She wasn't a hooker.
Franck: Well, when I tell my friends about her she will be.
Chandler: (About the entertainment center being too large) A good job, Joe.
Joey: Wow. It's big.
Chandler: Yeah, so big that it actually makes our doors look smaller.
Joey: Maybe my ruler's wrong.
Phoebe: Maybe all the rulers are wrong.
Phoebe: Well, it was just... it was all so crazy, you know? I mean, Chandler was in the closet counting to 10, and he was up to 7, and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See? All of it.
Joey: Yep, that's my audition.
Monica: See? Now this is why I keep notepads everywhere.
Phoebe: Yep, and that's why we don't invite you to play.
