Rachel Green Quotes
Monica: Well push it in! Push it in!
Rachel: I can not push it in!
Rachel: Phoebe, you're in pain. Would you just go to the dentist? Just go.
Phoebe: Alright, fine, fine. But if you're my next victim, don't come back as a poltergeist and like suck me into the TV set.
Rachel: I promise.
Phoebe: Although, don't feel like you can't visit.
Rachel: And all these people actually died?
Phoebe: Yes! While I was in the chair! That's why I take such good care of my teeth now. It's not about oral hygiene. I floss to save lives!
Monica: Joey just saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.
Ross: What? (To Joey) So what are you going to do? I mean how, how are you going to tell Chandler?
Joey: Well, I was thinking about that and I, I think the best way would be, to not.
Rachel: Joey, you can't keep this to yourself, if you know about this, you have to tell him.
Joey: It'll kill him. I mean it'll, it'll just kill him.
Phoebe: Well, you could wait 'til I go to the dentist, maybe I'll kill him.
Monica: He's not going to say anything because we're not going to tell him.
Rachel: We're not?
Monica: No, we're not.
Rachel: Alright, I like that.
Ross: So I told Carl nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody's allowed to climb on the dinosaur. Of course, this went right in...
Rachel: (Thinking) I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint I can pretend he's Alan Alda.
Monica: (Thinking) Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those going to become extinct?
Chandler: (Thinking) If I was a superhero that could fly and be invisible, that would be the best.
Gunther: (Thinking about Ross) What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel, I wish she was my wife.
Joey: (Singing "The Baby Elephant Walk" in his head) Da dadada da da da da da duh. Da dadada da da da da da duh.
Phoebe: (Thinking) Who's singing?
Ross: So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat.
Dr. Green: They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?
Ross: It gives it a nice antique-y look.
Dr. Green: Rust is boat cancer, Ross.
Ross: Wow, I'm sorry. When I was a kid I lost a bike to that.
Rachel: (About Ross) He's got this thing and I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor.
Dr. Green: You're still going to that chiropractor? That man couldn't get into med school in Ixtapa.
Ross: Thank you. That's what I keep saying.
Rachel: Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.
Ross: Uh.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?
Rachel: Well that's his last name.
Ross: And his first name.
Dr. Green: He's Bobby Bobby?
Rachel: It's Robert Bobby.
Dr. Green: Oh.
Rachel: And, um, excuse me, he helps me.
Ross: Oh ho, please. Ask her how?
Dr. Green: What do you need help for?
Rachel: With my alignment. I've got one leg shorter than the other.
Dr. Green: Oh, my God!
Ross: Argue with that.
Rachel: What? It's true, my right leg is two inches shorter.
Dr. Green: Come on! You're just titling! (To Ross) Her legs are fine!
Ross: I know that!
Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?
Rachel: I'm sorry, let her?
Ross: What can I do, she doesn't listen to me about renter's insurance either.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, you don't have renter's insurance?!
Rachel: No.
Dr. Green: Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other?!
Rachel: We are having dinner with my dad tomorrow night, I hope that's okay.
Ross: Oh shoot, tomorrow's not so good. I'm supposed to, um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.
Rachel: Ross, my father doesn't hate you.
Ross: Please, he refers to me as "wet-head."
Rachel: But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do come to dinner, I'll love you like I do in that black thing that you like.
Chandler: I'll go.
Dr. Green: Nice hair. What'd ya do? Swim here?
Ross: (To Rachel) Okay, that's it, I can't take it anymore.
Rachel: What? What? He's interested in you. He, he likes your hair, he just wants to know how you got here.
Ross: I think your Dad must have added wrong. He only tipped like four percent.
Rachel: Yeah. That's Daddy.
Ross: That's Daddy?! But doesn't it bother you? You're a waitress.
Rachel: Yes, it bothers me Ross, but ya know if he was a regular at the coffee house, I'd be serving him sneezers.
Ross: So?
Rachel: So. Ross, I've bugged him about this a million times, he's not gonna change.
Ross: You really serve people sneezers?
Rachel: Excuse me. Hello. My friend ordered an onion, not an olive, and I ordered a rum and Diet Coke, which I don't think this is.
Waitress: I am so sorry.
Rachel: That's all right. (To her friends) I mean, how hard is it to get a couple of drinks right, huh?
