What the fuck is that? He's like a mime or some shit?

Richard: What's half a double D?
Larry: B...plus. No, B minus. Minus is closer to the D. What's closer to the D? The minus or the plus?

Richard: How did you see a small mole from where you were sitting?
Larry: Well I have breast vision.

Richard: A lot of people call me who are suicidal.
Larry: I don't think you'd be my suicide call.

(on a black basketball player's penis) They could put the Chicago fire out with this.

(sarcastic) For the first time in a century, tell me something that's really bugging you.

Larry: I changed my mind. I'd like to get it back.
Richard Lewis: You can't be an East Indian-giver.

Larry: You gotta get a shot and stick it in her ass.
Richard: She's not a racehorse.

Larry: You gotta get a shot of Benadryl while she's sleeping, or shove it down her throat.
Richard Lewis: Like a hitman? A Benedryl hitman?

Yeah, know what would match her head? A dress made of turnips and blood.

Richard: This is my 28th therapist since 1969. I don't want any more. I don't want to break the record.
Larry: The recap is very hard, isn't it? Your recap is two, three months, isn't it?
Richard: "Two, three months?" That's just the crib!

You sounded like, like, christ, Pat Buchanan's gym partner

Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

Larry: Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?

Cheryl: Well, I think you should write a letter of apology to him.
Larry: "Dear prick, why are you such a prick?"