Ross: I'm telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viciously screamed at total strangers! I think he's bad news!
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you don't like the guy Rachel's dating? Well, (Sarcastically) that's odd.

Ross: He screamed, he literally screamed at this couple.
Chandler: Yeah, and at the end of the play, he got up and just started to bang his hands together.

Joey: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who, who got what?
Chandler, Phoebe & Rachel: I had one.
Monica: I need two. I'm bringing Pete. My boyfriend. I have a boyfriend now!
Joey: Two it is. Ross, how about you?
Ross: Uh, yeah, I, ah, I also need two.
Monica: Really? Who's number two?
Chandler: Who's number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
Ross: Uh, no, it's, it's just this person.
Phoebe: Like a date type person?
Ross: Yeah, kinda. It's this woman from work. I hope that won't be too weird. Will it, Rach?
Rachel: No. No, not at all, not at all. I actually was gonna bring someone myself, so...
Joey: But you said one.
Rachel: I meant, me plus one!
Joey: Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did, ah, you guys mean you plus one?

Rachel: You can either go or help me.
Ross: Okay, I'll go.
Rachel: Okay, but before you go, can you help me?

Ross: (About Rachel's makeup) Okay, there you go.
Rachel: (Looks in the mirror) Sure. Sure, I'll just sit next to the transsexual from purchasing.

Chandler: Now you stay out here and you think about what you did!
Ross: That's a duck.
Chandler: That's a bad duck!

Chandler: (To Ross) How'd the thing go tonight, Ross?
Ross: Oh, it was, nah, well...
Rachel: What thing? What is this thing?
Ross: I was kinda supposed to be on TV tonight for The Discovery Channel.
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Ross, why didn't you tell me that?
Ross: Eh, 'cause I knew that if I told you, you'd make me go, and I knew you needed someone to be with you tonight. Come on. Come on.
Rachel: I cannot believe you.
Ross: What?
Rachel: That is the sweetest thing, I just... (they stare at each other)
Ross: (breaking the silence) You should get some sleep.
Rachel: Okay.

Ross: Rach, you know, I can see you naked anytime I want.
Rachel: What?
Ross: All I have to do is close my eyes. See? (Ross closes his eyes) Woo-hoo!
Rachel: Ross, stop that!
Ross: I'm sorry.
Rachel: Come on! I don't want you thinking of me like that anymore.
Ross: Uh, sorry. Nothing you can do about it. It's one of my, uh, rights as the ex-boyfriend. (Ross closes his eyes again) Oh yeah!
Rachel: Stop it! Cut it out! Cut it out!
Ross: Okay, okay. I'm sorry. It will never happen-- (Closes eyes again) Uh oh. Wait a minute! Wait, wait. Now there are a hundred of you, and I'm the king!

Ross: I'm gonna be on TV!
Chandler: No way!
Ross: Yeah. They're putting together a panel to talk about these fossils they just found in Peru and the Discovery Channel's gonna film it.
Chandler: Oh, my God! Who's gonna watch that?

Ross: (Entering the apartment wearing a white suit with a little red bow tie) Hey, you guys! Guess what?
Rachel: Got a job on a river boat?
Ross: You know what? I didn't wear this suit for a year because you hated it. Well, guess what? You're not my girlfriend anymore, so...
Rachel: Oh I see, so this suit is making a point.
Ross: Right.
Rachel: Now that you're on you're own, you're free to look as stupid as you like.

Rachel: Okay, you'd tell me the truth, right?
Ross: Rach, you can't look fat in an x-ray.

Ross: Uh, Pheebs, while we're hovering around the subject. I just have to say dinosaurs, they, they don't go "ruff!"
Phoebe: The little ones do.

Friends Quotes

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night. Saturday night!
Joey: No plans, huh?
Chandler: Not a one.