It's not garbage, it's my clothes.

Pam: Tears of a clown.
Ryan: Don't call me a clown, Pam. You're better than that.

I'd rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love?

Darryl: Ryan was douche bag.
Ryan: Hey that's not a code name that's just an insult.
Oscar: Plus, everyone would know who you meant.
Ryan: Yeah.

I know you're my boss, but you need to get the hell out of my face.

When people see this presentation, they're gonna c** in their pants.

Ryan: I will have a glass of you oakiest chardonnay, please.
Erin: And I will have a waffle, with your mapleiest syrup.

Paramedic: You have appendicitis.
Ryan: Oh, who called it? Nothing but net.

Ryan: What were the criteria for going?
Dwight: It might be innate goodness versus innate badness.

Robert you got your sheep, and you got your black sheep, and I'm not even a sheep. I'm on the freakin' moon.

I'd like to make a toast. To the troops...all the troops...both sides.

Ryan: Everybody wants to be rich, but nobody wants to work for it.
Pam: You came in at 10:30 today right?

The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.

Andy