It's not garbage, it's my clothes.

Pam: Tears of a clown.
Ryan: Don't call me a clown, Pam. You're better than that.

I'd rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love?

Darryl: Ryan was douche bag.
Ryan: Hey that's not a code name that's just an insult.
Oscar: Plus, everyone would know who you meant.
Ryan: Yeah.

I know you're my boss, but you need to get the hell out of my face.

When people see this presentation, they're gonna c** in their pants.

Ryan: I will have a glass of you oakiest chardonnay, please.
Erin: And I will have a waffle, with your mapleiest syrup.

Paramedic: You have appendicitis.
Ryan: Oh, who called it? Nothing but net.

Ryan: What were the criteria for going?
Dwight: It might be innate goodness versus innate badness.

Robert you got your sheep, and you got your black sheep, and I'm not even a sheep. I'm on the freakin' moon.

I'd like to make a toast. To the troops...all the troops...both sides.

Ryan: Everybody wants to be rich, but nobody wants to work for it.
Pam: You came in at 10:30 today right?

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael