I will find a loophole...then I'll kill you.

So I did what any man would do. I faked my way into a job teaching Spanish at a community college using phrases from Sesame Street.

Chang: We're going to get frozen yogurt.
Pierce [getting on Chang's scooter]: I'm not gay man, they close in seven minutes.
Troy: I could have driven you.
Chang: You said he hated froyo.
Pierce: Just drive!
Troy: Slut!

Looks like the law from of Slumdog and Seacrest is taking the day off.

Pierce: What's the matter? Mama Chang didn't breast feed?
Chang: "She read in a book that it wouldn't make a difference.

I am a man who can never die! And this has been your first taste of Spanish one-oh-dos, the semester I get inside your cabezas.

Chang: I have finished grading everyone's finals and all of you are moving on.... except for Jeff. Turns out you, pause for dramatic effect, will be seing me next semester.
Annie: Nooooo!
Chang: In Spanish 102! Because he passed and I'm the only Spanish teacher.
Annie: Yay! I meant about Jeff passing. You being our Spanish teacher? Eh.

Chang [about ex-wife]: You make no mistake about this, Winger. I pleasured that woman greatly.
Jeff: Yeah. You look like you would have to. I'm not surprised you said that.

Senor Chang: Pickled bull testicle?
Jeff: Are you offering or collecting?

Jeff: Are you going to the faculty party? Make me your plus one
Senor Chang: Give it up, Winger. Professor Slater doesn't date students... or married asians that drive mopeds

Professor Duncan [to Señor Chang in shower]: I'm sorry, do you mind if we have this conversation in a room less with balls? [to naked man in shower]: Though i must say you're very comfortable
Señor Chang: You shouldn't be

Professor Duncan: Not to be all particular, but you're not a professor
Señor Chang: Maybe because I don't look like Ron Weasley
Professor Duncan: That's the reason, that's the qualifying factor

Community Quotes

Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

Annie: How much effort am I worth?
Jeff: I'd break a light sweat.