Andi: You were so cute together. You guys should've never broken up.
Sock: Actually, I had to, Andi, um, because I found out that she used to be a dude.
Josie: I heard that you used to be too

Sam: My parents sold my soul to the Devil.
Sock: How drunk are you?
Sam: Totally sober.
Sock: How drunk am I?

Mr. Oliver: Big birthday plans, boys?
Sam: Nothing too crazy.
Mr. Oliver: Come on, Sam, you got to go out there and cut loose. You're only this age once, come on.
Sock: I like your thinking, Dad, I say we all get in the car, go get some smack, and kill a hooker in Vegas... [Mom leaves room] ah, I mean, I mean patronize a hooker in Vegas... I would never kill a hooker in Vegas, I would never kill a hooker

Sock: Can you turn your head all the way around?
Sam: Sock, I'm not possessed.
Sock: Yeah, okay.
Sam: My parents sold my soul to the Devil and I'm a bounty hunter for Hell. Totally different.
Sock: Have you even tried to turn your head all the way around?
Sam: Yeah, it totally doesn't work

Sam: I'm good at stuff, okay. Other stuff. Right?
Sock: Yeah, you do rock the house at Guitar Hero.
Sam: That's what I'm talking about

Sock: Hey, where's the truck going?
Sam: Delaware.
Sock: I approve, good.
Ben: You're an idiot, Sam. And the Devil's going to kill you when he finds out.
Sam: Well, I hope he won't find out.
Ben: Well, isn't he all-knowing and everything?
Sam: Ben, can you find Delaware on a map?
Ben: Well, you make an excellent point

Ted: You have broken the most cardinal rule here at the Bench. A bloodied customer is not a happy customer.
Sam: Ted, it was an accident. I'm really really sorry.
Ted: The question is, what is the appropriate punishment?
Sock: Well, if you wanted to be really mean, you could make us work here, wear ugly blue aprons day and night, that would suck

You are a very very hostile young lady, do you know that? Can I have your number?

Sock: Oh, that is quite the bag o'batteries you've got there, Josie. Feeling lonely these days?
Josie: We're having blackouts, jackass. They're for my flashlight. And if I was lonely for you, I'd just get a pencil.
Sock: Oh that's what they all say, sweetheart. Wait, wait, wait

Sam: You stole mail?
Sock: Yeah.
Ben: Sock, that's a felony.
Sock: Well, come on now, there's a fine line between committing a felony and doing something really cool.
Ben: That's true

Sock: The password is "Grumpy."
Sam: I don't want to know.
Sock: The cat that we had, you sicko... No, I'm kidding, it's totally a name for my junk

Hey, no shame in community college, K-Fed. I almost went

Reaper Quotes

Hey, no shame in community college, K-Fed. I almost went


Sam [about the vessels]: Wait. So, they're not all little vacuums?
DMV Demon: The boss gives you the vessel he thinks you can handle. You must be a real moron