I talked to your dad already, and once he gets tired of beating me, we can eventually be happy together, you and me
Something good happened here today, boys. The geek escaped from Hell. Geek banged a cougar. Geek walks away a little less of a geek. And we helped. Looks like we're his fairy bone-mothers. That is a nice feeling
Sam: Maybe Hell will think it's a mix-up. If not, we got to send Billy back.
Sock: Eh. Either way we get to enjoy the night air and desecrate a cemetery
Ben: Could you put some on clothes, please?
Sock: I'm too upset for clothes
Kristen: My father cannot know I date my stepbrother.
Sock: All right, sure, look, he'll be shocked at first. Yeah, so is the father of every girl I've ever dated, all right? But eventually, I promise you, he will settle into a nice, grudging acceptance
Ben: I mean, who's going to want me?
Sock: You bite your tongue, Benjamin. You bite your tongue 'til it bleeds in your mouth. You are a beautiful man, the outside and the inside. You got, you got that smile, that really lights up a room, that laugh. And that sexy Latin gaze that pulls you in like a magnet from the mother ship.
Ben: You... mean that?
Sock: Benjamin Casper Perez Gonzalez, I could get lost in your eyes for days. I'm not going to apologize for that
Sock: Okay, if we were meeting at the bar right now. I would probably try and pick you up with my best line.
Sock: Okay. Ahem. Excuse me. Hi. I think you're standing on my penis.
Kristen: I'm not sure I understand, but it sounds charming
Women. They're like a... mystery, wrapped inside of a... mystery wrapped inside of a third mystery
You know, it's like your talking. I can hear the stupid words coming out of your mouth but they have no meaning.
Tony: Plus, I came to warn you, I think they're dispatching some demon assassins to kill you.
Sock: Oh, we know. Ben's dating one of them.
Ben: Yeah, we're a power couple
Gladys [about the baby]: Oh, an IBOH.
Sock: What's an IBOH?
Gladys: Intentional Birth Out of Hell. It happens. Souls have been known to escape from Hell to have their children here. Better schools
Mr. Oliver, I'm really really glad that you're alive and everything but... I just about had a heart attack. I think I might still be having one.