Angela: Someone say something.
Stanley: I said something when they were thinking of hiring Jim. Didn't work then. Now look what he's doing to us.

It's just rum. I'm not bored, I'm a pirate.

Life is short. Drive fast. Leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos.

My wife got to the tv first. I had to sit through damn Rizzoli and damn Isles.

I know how to save the company, everyone. Just write a petition, get everyone's signature, including our clients, march down to Florida, and shove it up your butt!

I never heard that song before, and once I heard it I did not care for it, but that song means it's time to go home. Now, it's my favorite song.

Andy: Chef from South Park. It's genius!
Stanley: Just some chef.

Well you take the first letter of each name, assign it a number, add 'em all up, and shove it up your butt!

It might be easier if you take a deep breath, lift from the knees, and shove it up your butt!

So something good happening to Stanley is crazy now.

I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit in an air conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for...that is the life.

Don't tell me how to do my business.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael