Ted Mosby Quotes
The problem is you can't do any of that couples stuff unless you have someone to do it with! And the only way I'm gonna find that someone is by going out and doing stupid singles stuff with Barney! ... but, man, when I find her, we're gonna have some bad-ass wine tastings
Lily: Marshall and I are just growing up.
Marshall: And it's gonna be sweet, too. Like tonight, we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool, gourmet cheeses.
Barney: Wow. Who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay.
Ted: All right, cool kids are leaving now. Grandma, grandpa, don't wait up
Ted's Date: Okay, this is really difficult to say. Back when I lived in LA, I was pretty broke. So, I spent a month making adult films.
Ted: Wow ... uh, how many did you make?
Ted's Date: 175.
Lily: Say what you will about the porn industry, but they're hard workers
Ted: I haven't talked to her in like three years, I wonder if she even remembers me.
[Calls her up]
Natalie: Hello
Ted: Natalie, it's Ted Mosby.
Natalie: Go to hell!
Ted: She remembers me
Barney: Did you sleep with her sister?
Ted: No..
Barney: Did you sleep with her mom?
Ted: No..
Barney: I'm losing interest in your story
[Natalie and Ted are in bed]
Natalie: Wow. Maybe it was the caffeine. But you've really brought your game up to a whole new level.
Ted: Thanks. I did just start subscribing to Esquire. They have some helpful columns. The following is from the October issue
[Barney and Ted at airport picking up girls]
Barney: Follow them, tickets on me.
Ted: No! Barney! Don't you get on that escalator! And don't you dare get on that subsequent escalator
Ted: My friend does this thing where he goes to the airport and leaves fake luggage in order to meet women.
Airport Security Guard: No one is that lame.
Ted: He is. He is that lame. Barney, tell them you're that lame.
Barney: We are international businessmen
Barney: You're in a rut.
Ted: I'm not in a rut. I have a routine.
Barney: Ted, what is the first syllable in rut-tine?
Ted: Why can't we go to McClaran's?
Barney: McClaran's is boring. Let's go to the strip clubs. We're gonna go out, we're gonna meet some ladies, it's gonna be legendary. phone five!
[Barney does a high five with his cellphone.]
Future Ted: I had no idea why I hung out with Barney.
Barney: You didn't Phone-five, did you? I know when you don't phone five Ted! [while motioning with his hand] McClaran's is this much fun. But what I'm offering is the chance to have THIS much fun!
Ted: [also using his hands] See, you always say that, you always say it's gonna be THIS much fun, but it always ends up being this much fun. This much fun is good. It's safe.
Barney: This whole hand signal thing doesn't really work over the phone, does it?
Ted: No, it doesn't
Ted: Don't say legendary. You're too liberal with the word legendary.
[Flashback...]
Barney: We're building an igloo in Central Park. It's going to be legendary! Snowsuit up
Future Ted: I had no idea how Barney redirected the cab without me knowing but we got out, Dana let us in, and by God, we licked the Liberty Bell. And, you know what it tastes like?
[cut to MacLaren's]
Girl: What?
Ted: Freedom. No, actually, it tastes like pennies.
Girl: My God. Did you guys really do that?
Future Ted: We really did. And that was when I realized why I hung out with Barney. I never got where I thought I wanted to go, but I always got a great story
