Ted Mosby Quotes
Robin: Well, what if I'm just a cold person? Tonight, Mike was willing to look like a complete idiot for me, but I couldn't be Gretel. Why can't I be Gretel?
Ted: Because you just haven't met the right Hansel yet. One day you're gonna meet a guy who's gonna make you want to look like a complete idiot
Robin: I never played any team sports
Ted: Are we playing "I never" cause there's nothing left but peach schnapps
Ted: Come on, Barney, this is not about the odds, this is about believing. This girl, she represents something to me, I don't know, hope.
Barney: Wow. I did not understand a word you just said
Barney: Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way I have a second chance to make a first impression. What's with the face?
Ted: It's half you're pathetic, half I have to pee
Lily: We are so gonna win the costume contest this year.
Marshall: First prize, $50 gift certificate at the bar.
Ted: And how much did you pay for your costumes?
Marshall: $100
Lily: Each
Barney: Ted, get your coat we're leaving.
Ted: What happened to the cute broad you were grinding with?
Barney: Promise not to tell anyone ever in your life? Ever? This can't be one of those stories...'funny time this one time Barney was...' none of that. Promise?
[Ted Nods]
Barney [whispers]: That was my cousin Leslie
Ted: These strategies ever work for you?
Barney: The question is: Do these strategies ever NOT work for me? Either way the answer is about half the time
[at a really loud club...]
Ted: So, how do you know Robin?
Kelly: Sagittarius!
Ted: Is that near Westchester?
Kelly: I would love one! Just a beer!
Coat Check Girl: Because all of the stuff you're suppose to like, usually sucks. Like these clubs, or cruises.
Ted: Or New Years Eve.
Coat Check Girl: Or the Superbowl.
Ted: Or parades.
Coat Check Girl: The Rockettes.
Ted: Or parades.
Coat Check Girl: You said that already!
Ted: I really hate parades
Barney: "Okay" is the name of a club. It's really exclusive. A friend of mine once stood outside for two hours and didn't get in.
Ted: A friend of yours named "you?"
Barney: No, a friend of mine named "Shut up!"
Ted: What are you doing here, Lily let you go?
Marshall: Lily? Psshh, who cares, right?
Ted: You are so dead.
Marshall: Oh, I'm so dead
Coat Check Girl: Yeah, see, if everyone keeps telling you something's supposed to be fun, it's usually not.
Ted: Right. So, by that logic, if you and I were to, say, go out on a date...
Coat Check Girl: ...Well, we couldn't go anywhere that's supposed to be fun.
Ted: Right. The DMV it is.
Coat Check Girl: Then we'll get our teeth cleaned.
Ted: Sounds awful. It's a date.
