Why would you name a bull “Robert”?

McGee [asking the important question]

Quinn: I mean, maybe it's a coincidence. [McGee and Gibbs give her a look.] Oh, oh, no. Nope. Rule 69. "No coincidences."
McGee: No, actually Number 69 is "Never trust a woman who doesn't trust her man."
Quinn: Huh? Wait, what?! Really? That... sounds a little misogynistic, don't you think? Huh? I mean, do you have a rule that says "Never trust a man who doesn't trust his woman"? Think about it! Huh? No? Think about it! Rule 51!
McGee [to Gibbs]: "Sometimes you're wrong"! [Gibbs smacks the back of McGee's head.]

McGee: What are you doing?
Anthony DiNozzo Senior: Changing the subject!

McGee: How do you sleep at night?!
Torres: On my back. Naked.

McGee: Office equipment is your friend.
Torres: It's a bad friend, the one you lend money to and never pays you back!

Well, we don't have a firm date yet, but we plan on saving money on the invitations just by telling Bishop, and everyone will show!

McGee [on his wedding]

Eleanor Bishop, will you be my Frodo?

My burger's getting cold, and you're hitting on Yoga Lady!

Abby: Hey Tony.
McGee: Vance got a call.
Tony: Ziva. Are we sure?
McGee: I'm so sorry, Tony.

Gibbs: Freeze!
Kort: Old friends, and new. But not the one I expected.
Tony: I'm here.
Kort: DiNozzo. I had no idea she'd be in the farmhouse. You know that.
Tony: Do I?
Kort: There's nothing personal. Strictly business.
McGee: It is personal. It's Ziva.
Tony: She was my family.

McGee: What's our next move, boss?
Gibbs: We're going to find Jacob Scott. We're going to kill him.

Monroe: Now I want you tell me that one more time. How you won that money at the races. Can you do that? See, you just open your mouth [Monroe gets in close and rubs her hands up his torso] and say "I won that money, fifty grand, betting on the horses." Can you do that for me? Please?
Kane: Then what happens?
Reeves: I can't wait to find out.
McGee: Same here.
Kane: I didn't get that fifty grand from betting the horses.
Monroe: Good boy.

NCIS Quotes

‘You think you’re alone in the dark. Close your eyes. Remember everything good.’ My mom said that to me just before she died. Smart lady.

Gibbs

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.