Do a sloppy job and they'll leave you alone. That's how I got out of foreplay with Angie ... and my taxes.

Tracy: Well I'm sorry Sean, and child actor whose name I can't remember. You haven't walked in my shoes! All my life I've tried to forget the things I've seen: I slept on an old dog bed stuffed with wigs! I watched a prostitute stab a clown! Our basketball hoop was a ribcage! A guy in dreds electrocuted my fish! a crackhead breast-feeding a rat! A homeless man cooking a Hot Pocket on a third rail of the G train! The G train, Nermal!

I remember being born, of course, and I remember learning to ride a bike. But that was last year.

Tracy: [on his new movie] Garfield 3: Feline Groovy. It's a pun. Because cats' paws have grooves. They're paying me one million teacher salaries.

Who cares? She's awesome and so am I. I want Serena Williams to be my mother!

You sound like my mother being pulled on stage at a 2 Live Crew concert.

First of all, the secret service never gave me back my t-shirt cannon.

Just because he'd run away and cause traffic accidents and impregnate neighbors' horses. He's trapped here just like me!

Get ready, son. All you've ever known is your affirmative action job and Queen Latifah Cover Girl commercials.

I've learned the word 'black' in every language, just so I know when to be offended.

It's like a black Barbie doll in Arizona! Nobody's buying it!

My addiction to prescription glasses! The fact that I suffer from attention deficit disor- Jack, your shoes are shiny!

30 Rock Quotes

Jenna: Jack, can we talk, one ten to another?
Jack: I'm an eleven, but continue.

In my defense, every April 22nd I honor Richard Nixon's death by getting drunk and making some unpopular decisions.