I was supposed to be in the movie Rush Hour but two weeks into shooting I was replaced by Jackie Chan.

I cursed for three hours straight just to get it out of my system.

I know love at first sight when I see it. I saw it when I met Angie, and I saw it the first time Dotcom laid eyes on Grizz's fiancee.

I found it on my favorite web site ... stop showing off, Dot com!

Tracy: Could I replace it with a wheel, like Rosie from The Jetsons?
Dr. Leo Spaceman: Sure, but then you'll have to register yourself as a motor vehicle.

Kenneth: Well, I'm saying you could get your wallet...
Tracy: My what?!
Kenneth: ...and go downstairs to the basement...
Tracy: No!
Kenneth: ...and you go to the soup place, and bring the soup back up here...
Tracy: With what? My arms?
Kenneth: ...make sure to take your IDs with you.
Tracy: That'll be the worst part!

Jenna: We decided we'd get them all hot soup.
Tracy: So... go do that.
Kenneth: Oh, all the other pages have gone home sick, I can't make any runs right now. Maybe the two of you could go get the soup.
[long pause]
Jenna: I don't understand.

Kenneth: Mr. Jordan, Ms. Maroney. You wanted to see me?
Jenna: Kenneth, Tracy and I want to do something for the crew, you know, to thank them for being sick.
Tracy: We didn't know what to get them, but then I had a brain storm. It was a bad one, Jenna had to put my tongue guard in.

I'm afraid she'll divorce me if I ever have enough money where she can live off half.

How come there ain't no Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? I mean they have every race and life form from all over the galaxy but no Puerto Ricans. What's up with that?


Liz: Tracy, get out of the hallway.
Tracy: OR AM I?
Liz: Oh God, this dream again.
Tracy: That's not me. That's a Tracy Jordan Japanese Sex Doll. You can tell us apart because it's not suffering from a vitamin deficiency.

I can't talk now, I have to get my wallet out of the toaster.


30 Rock Quotes

Jenna: Jack, can we talk, one ten to another?
Jack: I'm an eleven, but continue.

I went to college in Boston. Well, not in Boston, but nearby. No, not Tufts!