Favorite Walden Schmidt Quotes
Walden: Your son makes one heck of a wingman.
Jake: You make it easy boss.
Dani: If you're not gay, whats the deal with Alan?
Walden: He claims to be straight, but his lips opened a little when I kissed him.
Bridget: Seems like we both $1,000 to sleep with people we already know. 

Walden: Wait. You paid $1,000? I paid $2,000.

Bridget: Seems like you got screwed more than once today.
Alan: The only reason to wear a hat on a date is to cover a bald spot.
Walden: Here you go, for your next date.
Alan: Can I tell women it's mine?
Walden: Why would you stop now?
A guy in a leotard and a skirt realized he chopped off his own brother's head off. That is heartbreaking.
Billy: You look good without the beard.
Walden: You look good without the crack pipe.
Eldridge: Hell yeah, she is hot.
Jake: It is not about how hot she is.
Walden: Well, thank you Jake.
Jake: It is about whether she stays hot.
Now she won't return my calls, emails or texts. It is like she is ignoring across the whole digital spectrum. It is like she is Amish.
Berta: You can just keep staring at your laptop all day.
Walden: I made a billion dollars doing this.
Berta: Well, carry on.
Walden: She says wants to meet for coffee.
Alan: Oh, be careful. In my experience, when an ex wants to meet for coffee, it is either they want to borrow money or tell you that they gave you crabs.
Walden: You share too much.
Alan: This time, you invited the vampire into the house.
Walden: In my defense, the vampire was naked at the time.
