If I told you about every hunch, you would get very irritated.

Patrick

Patrick Jane: Nice cradling.
Travis Tennant: You play Lacrosse?
Patrick Jane: No, fast-moving sticks scare me.

Patrick: This is like believing in the Easter Bunny.
Wayne: Who says there's no Easter Bunny?

Patrick: So you have done some research on me.
Kristina: I have now. Red John murdered your family. I'm very sorry for your loss. Is that why you gave up your calling?
Patrick: Calling? Is that what this is?
Kristina: Yeah. Calling, gift, as you like. There's no doubt that you have it. Why did you give it up?
Patrick: It's the suits. Chafing. Horrible.

Grace: (Talking about Kristina) Excuse me, but you might consider the possibility that she's actually honestly in touch with something beyond your understanding.
Patrick: That would be golf and musical theater of the 30s and 40s.

Kimball: They think you killed their mother.
Jeremy: Well, they don't know anything about me. I loved her.
Teresa: Of course you did. That's why you gave Rosemary's necklace to your hot new girlfriend.
Jeremy: Well, it's no good to Rosemary, is it? So shoot me, I'm a pragmatist.
Teresa: That's a good word.

Penelope: This wrong guy, is he a huge jackass?
Ted: Absolutely.
Penelope: Kind of like Barney?
Ted: Kind of.
Barney: Hey!
Penelope: You hit on my mom!
Barney: We weren't exclusive!

Penelope: Why the hell should I help you?
Barney: Come on, I know it didn't work out between us, but we did have a relationship.
Penelope: We had sex twice in your car and then you dumped me. How is that a relationship?
Barney: Twice!

You are forcing me to be the voice of reason. And that's not a good look for me!

Barney

Ted: I'm crazy about you. I think we should be together. What do you say?
Robin: Yes. No. Maybe.
Ted: Those are the three options

Ted: Penelope, I really need to make it rain this weekend.
Penelope: Why?
Ted: There's this girl...
Penelope: There's this girl? You know, the traditional rain dance is a sacred prayer to nature. I don't think the Great Spirit looks too kindly on white dudes who co-opt it to get laid

Ted: Have you ever seen a rain dance?
Penelope: I've seen a filmstrip.
Ted: Terrific...Uh, look I should run. I'm getting brain surgery from some guy who's seen a couple of episodes of ER