Quotes
Phil: Which one's "bossy?"
Cowboy: That's my nickname for your wife.
Phil: Haha awesome.
It was supposed to be special; someone with a high GPA and bright future, not a Mario brother!
Alex
Mitchell: What's so great about destroying stuff?
Luke: It stuff into chunks of flying stuff!
Just for the record Mrs. Dunphy, if Haley wasn't my girlfriend and Mr. Dunphy was out of the picture, I would be honored to share your bed and raise Luke, Alex and Hayley as my own.
Dylan
Phil: It's just that when you say "Phil is my son-in-law", it sounds like you're saying "Phyllis, my son-in-law."
Jay: That's ridiculous.
Phil: Who is your son-in-law?
Jay: Phyllis!
I've been practicing like crazy all of my cowboy skills, shootin', ropin', pancake eatin'. Why? Because sometimes I feel like Jay doesn't respect me as a man.
Phil
Do we book our spa appointments through you or?
Manny
Look I'm the horse whisperer but something is making this one skittish!
Gloria [screaming]
Cam: You hate her sparkly outfit, don't you?
Mitchell: No I told you it was fine, I just didn't like you wearing a matching one.
Dawn needs to pick up the pace. This is not a picnic.
Probst
I'm at the cool kids table, but I'm barely at the cool kids table.
Jim
New Cochran doesn't follow Mommy's advice all the time. He cuts open a coconut when he needs to, and he does it by himself, with a machete.
Cochran