Jack: Jenna's Dead.
Pete: I don't feel anything. What is wrong with me?

Passive resistance! I learned it from Doctor King! I'm brave!


Heavy is the head that eats the crayons.


Ms. Lemon, you're not supposed to be here; you're on s-e-x probation.


Jack: Jenna, Sheinhardt-Universal does not want to release the picture.
Jenna: And how will that affect my Oscar chances?
Jack: Adversely.

Jenna: Do you need a sex tape released? 'Cause I got a weird one; it's night vision and you can see that his buddy is robbing me.
Jack: No, Jenna, I want you on the PR warpath. If there's a red carpet, I want you on it talking up the movie, starting Monday.
Jenna: The Kid's Choice Awards? Fine, I'll set aside my feud with Raven-Symoné for one day, but she knows what she did.

Liz: Before I go, could I at least find out what Frank's hat says.
Jack: "Constant Craving."
Liz: He could do better!

Frank: Has anyone looked at this sexual harassment stuff they gave us?
Tracy: I don't need to read it; the whole thing is loosely based on an evening I had with Isiah Thomas.

We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.


Jack: You being dead is the best thing that ever happened to this movie. Jenna, I wanna Tupac you.
Jenna: Fine, but I have to pee first!
Jack: No. No, no, no, no. Tupac Shakur, the rapper. He sold ten times more albums when he was dead than when he was alive; that's what we're going to do with this movie.

Liz: Excuse me, Mr. 'Winerslav' -
Jeffrey Weinerslav: It's pronounced, "Weinerslave.

You know how you told Tracy not to go into your bedroom? Well, naturally, we assumed you were a serial killer, and as you can imagine, your bird is dead.


30 Rock Season 3 Quotes

Liz: Excuse me, Mr. 'Winerslav' -
Jeffrey Weinerslav: It's pronounced, "Weinerslave.

If there's one thing I learned from you, Jack, it's to keep your friends close and your enemies so close that you're almost kissing.