It's a California Kong, which is two California Kings tied together with gorilla leather.


You know what they say boys. If you can't stand the heat, get off of Mickey Rourke's sex grill.


Jack: Your life is tied to the fate of the ring. It must be destroyed.
Pete: Are you quoting The Lord of the Rings?
Jack: No, I'm quoting myself talking to Bruce Willis.

You're still here! You didn't go to the store for milk and heroin and then never come back.


Liz: You're at rehearsal before me?
Tracy: Of course I am, Liz-Dad. I'm your good boy.

Look at us laughing a couple of Jews watching The Daily Show.


Jenna: What do you know about revenge?
Kenneth: Well, the Bible says it's wrong, but it's the surprise hit of the season on ABC so I don't know!

So, if you do have an extreme reaction, please try to get it on video for my nephew's funny website.

Dr. Spaceman

You know they don't tell you this until after you've paid for medical school, but being a doctor is exactly like the game Operation.

Dr. Spaceman

Jack: Your evaluation gave me pause.
Pete: Are you sure? Those look like hands to me.

Oh my, it smells like Grandma's house at Christmas. That's when we found her dead on the toilet.


Who has the time with work, family, hobbies, listing excuses?


30 Rock Season 6 Quotes

Jenna: How do nice people dress?
Tracy: Socks on their hands, no belt, roller skates.

I really like my guy. He's sort of a Doogie Howser type, but younger.