Lana: Cheryl?
Cheryl: Nah, Cheryl's gone. I'm Cherlene now. And if somebody don't fry me 6 goddamn eggs and some Carolina fries I would personally be shocked, SHOCKED I tell ya, if by morning this place ain't burned to the ground.

I'll be watching you like a hawk. That's been bred with an produce some kind of eagle-eyed superhawk...with a badge.


Hawley: What do you people think the letters FBI stands for?
Archer: I bought a T-Shirt once that said "Female Body Inspector.

You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass and held on, would ya!


So if I were you, I'd run out that door while I still had a chance. I'd also waste 5 precious minutes of my head start in the race to freedom, giving that swell guy Archer a combination thank-you-goodbye blow job.

I was concerned about you - blow me!

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.

I am totally digging this whole Queen Kong vibe.


Cyril: How do you not know the different kinds of porn?
Archer: Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts the internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing and a sock!

Cyril: You could pose him with Woodhouse
Krieger: God knows he's a little GILF.

Cyril: He can't come in without a warrant - well, unless you invite him in.
Archer: He's not a vampire, idiot. Plus it's daytim

The last thing you need right now is a big, shit-eating "I told you so."

Archer Season 5 Episode 4 Quotes

Ron: Next time remind me to get shot in the head!
Archer: Ron, next time get shot in the head.

Malory: Who uses Metric?
Lana: Every single country on the planet except for us, Liberia and Burma!
Archer: Really - cause you never think of those two as having their shit together.