Being a negro must be so exciting.

Cheryl

Archer: Look, I know you cops have to check your weapons up front, and there's five of us and only one of you, so...
Pam: So who wants their ass beat first? And before you decide, keep in mind that I'm gradually goin' to get more tired, but also gradually more berserker.

Mother: What is it with you people and reefer?
Lana: Do you mean musicians or negroes?
Mother: Pick one.

Goddammit! I insist you let me share your marijuana cigarette!

Ray

Floyd: Are you crazy?
Verl: Are you trying to get yourself killed?
Archer [mockingly]: Oh my God, is diabetes contagious?!?

Hey, can I order some pie? Or have you single-handedly depleted the Global Strategic Pie Reserves?

Archer: Are you shitting me?!?
Pam: Awwww, I wouldn't shit you, you're my favourite turd!

Archer: Did you say "a" change, or just change, as in spare change?
Figgis: Huh, what change? They'll be passing you around for half a pack of smokes.
Archer: Pfft, I'm worth at least two packs.
Charlotte: Pfft!
Archer: You know...

Archer: Will you quit jamming my ass with that thing?
Ray: He said, coyly.

Ray: I failed my induction screening.
Verl: Well yeah.
Cliff: Obviously.
Floyd: You put the "F" in 4F!
Ray: You know...

Archer: I realize that a segregated service is just crazy, especially given what we were fighting for over there, but -
Cliff: Oh now you got a "but."
Archer: ...if you think about it, the most racist thing would be, if, whenever there was a war, we only sent negroes.
Floyd: WOW.
Verl: Words fail me.

Cheryl: I want a drink!
Archer: Join this great new club!

Archer Season 8 Quotes

Malory: Normandy.
Archer: Yeah.
Malory: Omaha Beach by way of North Africa and Sicily. And after Normandy, through France and Belgium all the way to Berlin.
Archer: Well I had to get to Berlin, I sent all my clean shirts ahead.
Malory: Mmhmm. Speak any German?
Archer: You know, "Don't shoot," "I surrender," "Hitler's the tops," stuff like that.

Cyril: Come to think of it, Archer, where were YOU last night?
Archer: Ask your wife!
Pam: Awwww, you know his wife left him! For you, Archer, because you screwed her tits off at the precinct cookout! So then she thought the two of you would get married and live happily ever after, but you were like, "Whaaaaaaaat.."
Archer: (stares at Pam)
Pam: Exactly. That face right there.