Michael: What's going on? This is exactly where the two of you were when I left this morning. Is nobody going to even try to get a job?
Lindsay: I have a job, Michael. It's called "supporting my husband."
Michael: You certainly haven't been shopping. The only thing I found in the freezer was a dead dove in a bag.
Gob: You didn't eat that, did you? 'Cause I've only got a couple days left to return it.

(Michael opens the fridge looking for something to eat, but only finds a bag labeled: "Dead dove. Do not eat.")
Michael: (while looking inside the bag) I don't know what I expected.

Okay, we are just about ass-to-ankles back here, Maeby. Do you want to hop on your cousin's lap there, please?


Lindsay: Roger was my male counterpart in high school.
Roger: Remember how crazy our hair was back then?
Lindsay: Oh ... What were we thinking? So, what are you doing now?
Tobias: He's, uh, casting my commercial.
Roger: Yeah, trying to. The South Coast Boutique is having a fire sale.
Lindsay: South Coast Boutique? They're having a fire sale?!

Michael: Well, I got news for you, Gob. Dad still doesn't trust me to this day. He treats me like a low level employee.
Gob: It's better than being treated like the goofball... the joker... the magician (uncrosses arms dramatically and nothing happens)
Michael: I thought you were gonna do, like a trick there, like the fireball or something.

Michael: Or, even better, could you mail this letter for me?
G.O.B.: You can't just give that to a mailman?
Michael: I can't trust a mailman with this. This is important.
Narrator: G.O.B. was intrigued. He also suspected he couldn't return a completely frozen dove to a pet store and get the full refund he felt he was entitled to.
G.O.B.: I'll mail that letter.

Tobias: I agree with Michael; it's important not to tie your self-esteem to how you look or what people think of you. I mean, look at me- I'm an actor. An actor, for crying out loud. You know how much rejection I face every day? But in this business of show, you have to have the heart of an angel and the hide... of an elephant.
Lindsay: But, you've never actually had an audition.
Tobias: Well... excuse me! Excuse me.

George Sr.: I haven't had a vacation in years. This is my vacation. I'm exercising, I'm sleeping well.
Michael: You're doing time.
George Sr.: I'm doing the time of my life.

Maeby: (seeing her mom and grandmother at the restuarant) What are they doing here?
George Michael: They're adults; they're allowed to have fun whenever they want. We're kids; we have work!

Michael: (to George Michael) I'm gonna give you a promotion. Welcome aboard, Mr. Manager.
George Michael: Wow! I'm Mr. Manager!
Michael: Well, manager. We just say manager. And you can hire an employee if you need one.
George Michael: Do you think I need one?
Michael: Don't look at me, Mr. Manager.
George Michael: Right. It's up to me now. I'm Mr. Manager.
Michael: Manager. We just say, uh --
George Michael: I know, but you just said --
Michael: Doesn't matter who.

You stay on top of her, buddy ... Do not be afraid to ride her ... Hard.
(George Michael looks petrified)

</i> Michael

I'm going to get blamed for this.

</i> T-bone the arsonist

Arrested Development Season 1 Episode 2 Quotes

Okay, we are just about ass-to-ankles back here, Maeby. Do you want to hop on your cousin's lap there, please?


Gob: I should be in charge. I'm the older brother.
Michael: Do you even want to be in charge?
Gob: No ... but I'd like to be asked!