Tobias: Well, I don't need money to hang out with my daughter. Where are you going?
Maeby: We're going shopping.
Tobias: Oh, no, no, I can't do that.

Rollo: If you care about your brother, you'll get in this car.
Michael: Which brother?

Lucille: I'm so glad you're here. I want you to help me break up your brother and his girlfriend.
Michael: Well, I'm all for that. We just got to find him first.
Lucille: He's locked on the balcony.
Michael: Oh, you meant Buster. I thought you were talking about Gob.

Mom, you're ruining our fort!


Michael: I don't know whether this guy's a mobster, a loan shark, something equally scary.
Gob: Magician.
Michael: I think you're confusing "scary" with "silly." This guy was frightening. He was in a limo.

Michael: Then, why does he want to break your legs?
Gob: He doesn't want to break my legs. He wants to take my legs.

Michael: So, Rollo wants your legs, but you're cheating on Marta with those legs. Is that about right?
Gob: Would you give me a break, please? The legs are insanely jealous.

Great. Great. You know what, Gob? Marta is a once-in-a-lifetime woman. She's a treasure, and I don't think you're showing her enough respect, okay?


You have to be some sort of she-hulk to get this.


Tobias: Oh, Maeby, great news. I got my hands on some money. I can't say how or when ... or where my wedding ring is, but my purse overfloweth, as do my high spirits, so a-shopping we must go.
Maeby: Dad, we already went.

Lance: May I help you?
Tobias: Oh, I hope so. Um, I'm looking for something that says, "Dad likes leather."
Lance: Something that says, "leather daddy"?
Tobias: Oh, is there such a thing?

Narrator: And so, for the first time, Michael set a plan in motion to take something that didn't belong to him.
Michael: You know, I was thinking. I'd like to help you guys out one more time. You know what you should do? You should surprise Gob on stage. I know that he's looking for a new assistant.

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

(to a waiter) Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched, I'd eat the inside of your ear.


Gob's Wife: I'm in love with your brother-in-law.
Gob: You're in love with your own brother? The one in the army?
Gob's Wife: No, your sister's husband.
Gob: Michael? Michael!
Gob's Wife: No, that's your sister's brother.
Gob: No, I'm my sister's brother. You're in love with me - me.
Gob's Wife: I'm in love with Tobias.
Gob: My brother-in-law?
Gob's Wife: I know it can never be, so I'm leaving. I'm enlisting in the army.
Gob: To be with your brother ...
Gob's Wife: No!