Gob: You're a good brother, Michael.
Lindsay: You're a horrible brother, Michael.

Lindsay: This just isn't you.
Michael: It's me now. It's the me that can recline.
(Michael leans back and falls off his chair)
Lindsay: Did that hurt?
Michael: No.

Maeby: Did you get a job or something?
Tobias: No. No, I didn't. Unless you consider "world's coolest daddy" a job.

George Michael: Oh, you bought a chair.
Michael: Uh, no. Actually, uh, I borrowed it, like we talked about.
George Michael: Well, I thought we decided that was like stealing.
Michael: Is that where we landed on that?

Lucille: Why is there a piece of shoe on your head?
George, Sr.: This is a ... Well, it's a reminder that the divine presence is always above me.

Lucille: Buster's been humping the widow Austero.
Buster: Mom ...
George, Sr.: Is that true?
Buster: No. We're taking it slow.
Lucille: He stays there sometimes until 7:00, 8:00 at night. Peanut brittle on his breath. Is she the one who's going to take him to the dentist?
Buster: She already has.

Lucille: You know, he's damaged goods. He was born with a hole in his heart.
Lucille 2: Listen to me, Lucille. I'm going to fill that hole 'cause we're in love.
Lucille: Oh, please. You're no more in love with him than I am.
Buster: Okay, we're all saying some things we're going to regret.

George Michael: It's like you said. You can't change who you are. So what? So, I don't have any hair on my arms or legs. So what? You know, a leather jacket's not going to change that. You know, I was trying to act like a tough guy, and it's wrong. I'm just a boring, old nice guy like you.
Michael: I'm not that nice.

Lucille: Oh, here comes the 10:15 conniption, right on time. Honest to God, Buster, it's like every little thing makes you seize up in terror lately. I just have no idea where you get that from. Get away from that stove. You're going to light your hair on fire.

Michael: Hey, Mom. Remember we had that conversation about trying to cut back on things that aren't necessities?
Lucille: Like it was yesterday.
Michael: It was this morning, and now I hear that you've hired a crew for the yacht? I'm selling that yacht.
Lucille: Michael, you haven't heard why I want it. To throw the most lavish party this town has ever seen for my birthday.
Michael: I enjoy a bicentennial as much as the next guy, Mom, but we're not doing that.

Michael: I can't believe she got that driver's license renewed.
Gob: She didn't. I dummied her up a new one. Not my best work, though. She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. Ended up checking "albino" in the form.

Lindsay: I mean, it's always been "Michael's got the brains, Gob's got the charm, Buster's got the ..."
George Sr.: High-fastening pants.
Lindsay: You said that?
George Sr.: No, I'm saying that now.

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

Okay, we are just about ass-to-ankles back here, Maeby. Do you want to hop on your cousin's lap there, please?

Tobias

(Regarding Buster) Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her 'miracle baby'. And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So... He turned out a little soft, you know...

George Sr.