Brockmire
Wednesdays 10:00 PMBrockmire Quotes
I was ready to kill the magical pig! What do you think I'm going to do to you?!
Jules
Gus: Hey! You know who I just saw? Crocodile Dundee!
Brockmire: [sighs] That was George Brett, Gus. You kidding me?
Shirley: You want credit for not harassing a man with cancer.
Brockmire: Yeah!
You make a big show about what a changed man you are, but going from a drunk asshole to a sober asshole isn't the dramatic makeover you think it is.
Gabby
Overalls allow me to fully experience the freedom of life without undergarments!
Gus
Look, I sympathize with you. I do. All the things you consider to be good clean fun are now considered to be mean and sexist. But you know, that's just 'cause they are.
Brockmire: I wanna assure you. Sobriety has changed me, OK? Really, I am no longer that reckless, "say anything" Jim.
Gabby: You just talked the last two minutes going into aggressive detail about our coworker's dick.
Brockmire: Oh shit. I did do that, didn't I? Goddammit, I am just, I am not built for the 20th Century workplace.
Brockmire: No, the nickname Matt the Bat comes from his locker room presence. He's got the biggest dick in baseball history.
Gabby: Whoa. Seriously?
Brockmire: Oh yeah. Matt loves all that alpha male bullshit. He likes to bump into ya accidentally on purpose to make an impression. Literally. Left a dent. There's a density to it, Gabby. It's like a windsock that's been packed with wet sand.
Bat: I'm gonna skip on lunch.
Gabby: Yeah, you can probably use the downtime. You know, my aunt recently had breast cancer.
Bat: I look like I have breasts?
What kind of joyless golem serves soup in a Greenroom? Are they requesting that we eat it out of a cup in some kind of failed attempt at shabby chic?
Even for Florida, the whole thing was very Florida.
HO! Christmas is coming. Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas.