Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Kendra: In case the curse does not succeed, this is my lucky stake. I have killed many vampires with it. I call it, “Mr. Pointy.”
Buffy: You named your stake?
Kendra: Yes.
Buffy: Remind me to get you a stuffed animal.
[Kendra hands her the stake]
Buffy: Thanks.
Kendra: Watch your back.
Willow: So we're looking for a beasty.
Rupert Giles: That, uh, eats humans whole...except for the skin.
Buffy: This doesn't make any sense.
Xander: Yeah, the skin's the best part.
Buffy: Any demons with high cholesterol?
[Giles stares at her]
Buffy: You're gonna think about that later, mister, and you're gonna laugh.
Cordelia: So he spit it out? I thought Angel liked blood.
Buffy: He used to.
Willow: Maybe his eyes were too big for his stomach.
Buffy: Or maybe there was something in Gage's blood that Angel didn't like. Say, for example, steroids?
Willow: That would explain all their behavioral changes.
Cordelia: And their winning streak.
Willow: So maybe whatever's in their blood is what's attracting this creature to them.
Buffy: Tell me what's in the steam!
Coach Marin: After the fall of the Soviet Union, documents came into light detailing experiments with fish DNA in their Olympic swimmers. Tarpon...mako shark...but they couldn't crack it.
Buffy: And you did, sort of. Why?
Coach Marin: What kind of question is that? For the win! To make my team the best they could be! Do you understand we have a shot at the State Championship?
Buffy: Do you understand that I don't care? It's over. There's not gonna be any Swim Team.
Coach Marin: Boy, when they were handin' out school spirit, you didn't even stand in line, did ya?
Buffy: No. I was in the line for shred of sanity.
[Coach Marin pulls out a gun]
Buffy: Which you obviously skipped.
Cordelia: Well, all I know is that my cheerleading squad wasted a lot of pep on losers. It's about time our school excelled at something.
Willow: Hmm, you're forgetting our high mortality rate.
Xander: We're number one!
Spike: Well, our old place was just fine till you went and had it burned down.
Angelus: Things change, Spikey. You gotta roll with the punches. Well, actually, you pretty much got that part down, haven't you?
Spike: Very funny, mate.
Angelus: What can I say? I just love to see you smile, buddy.
Xander: He killed a person and killed himself. Those are pretty much two of the dumbest things you could do.
Willow: I know, but...well, don't you feel kind of bad for them?
Buffy: Sure I feel lousy. For her. He's a murderer and he should pay for it.
Willow: With his life?
Buffy: No, he should be doing sixty years in a prison, breaking rocks and making special friends with Roscoe the weightlifter.
Xander: Yikes. The quality of mercy is not Buffy.
Willow: Xander, what happened? Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closer?
Xander: You’re just a big bucket of fun, Will. I'll have you know I was just accosted by some kind of, um, locker monster.
Rupert Giles: Loch Ness Monster?
Buffy: “Locker” monster is what he said.
Angelus: Fun fact about wasps. They have no taste for the undead. Not that a sting would do me any damage, it's just...tonight's special. I wanted to look my best for you.
Buffy: [Possessed] You're the only one. The only person I can talk to.
Angelus: Gosh, Buff. That's really pathetic.
Buffy: You can't make me disappear just because you say it's over.
Angelus: Actually...I can. In fact...
[Angelus is possessed]
Angelus: I just want you to be able to have some kind of normal life. We can never have that, don't you see?
Buffy: I don't give a damn about a normal life! I'm going crazy not seeing you. I think about you every minute.
Giles: To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's-it's...it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it.
Buffy: No. James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind passion. And that's not something you forgive. No matter why he did what he did. And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish and stupid, it is just something he's gonna have to live with.
Xander: He can't live with it, Buff. He's dead.
[Buffy leaves]
Cordelia: Okay. Over identify much?
Willow: You’re thinking too much. Maybe you need to be impulsive?
Buffy: Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend, the vampire? I slept with him, he lost his soul, now my boyfriend's gone forever and the demon that wears his face is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will involve my choice of dentures.
Willow: Okay, the Angel thing went badly. I'm on board with that, but that's not your fault. And anyways, love isn't always like that. Love can be...nice.
Willow: Buffy’s not in here for cosmetic surgery.
Cordelia: No, but while she’s in here she might as well get that thing done. You know, that thing on her face. You know...that thing.
Willow: Do you think Angel will attack Buffy in here?
Xander: He can come in. It’s a public building.
Willow: That’s true.
Cordelia: Am I the only one that’s noticed that thing?!
