Favorite Californication Quotes
So you're suggesting I should dump this whole writer thing and reinvent myself as a Hollywood manwhore?
Hank
Hank: Hideous creatures these teenage girls.
Felicia: Monstrous, couldn't agree with you more.
Hank: Is it too late to drown them in the tub?
Marcy: It's been sitting on the market for months now, Charlie, it's not selling.
Charlie: Well, maybe if you weren't too busy bringing every unemployed actor in LA with a cougar fetish back to the house, you could get it sold.
Marcy: First, it's our house, and second, if you weren't too busy trying to shove your angry inch into every damaged case that crosses your path, we wouldn't even be in this mess to begin with!
Heather: Hey do you want to try it from behind?
Charlie: Absolutely, that's my favorite.
Heather: Me Too.
Charlie: Right? Because it gets your spot right?
Heather: Right, that yes and because I can multitask. The emails just pile up if you don't get to them right away.
What is a hairy scary A-lister to do? She calls the Marster over there and what does Marci do? She accidentally tears off a piece of Nicole's labia. Majora not minora, but there's blood everywhere. The movie shuts down.
Charlie
There's no law against stealing from a colossal douchebag.
Hank
I think that ultimately they'll have to raise the white flag and just accept us for the emotional retards that we are, don't you think?
Hank
Hank: No Charlie you look good. Like a baby. Like a big sexy baby.
Charlie: Thank you.
There's no reason you should let a professional misstep get in the way of some quality sixty-nining.
Hank
I had my whole life flash before my eyes, really just like a TIVO on fast forward, and you know what? It was really fucking pathetic.
Charlie
I love women. I have all their albums.
Hank Moody
Jesus, I love this little buddha you shot out of your vag! So wise!
Marcy
