I believe that fusing brownies with the Internet is going to create the next Napster for brownies.

Shirley

Girls are supposed to dance. That's why God gave them parts that jiggle.

Troy

Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

True or falso or none of the above. That doesn't make any sense.

Jeff [taking exam]

Troy: You should be like Calvin. His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it.
Pierce: Calvin Coolidge?

Abed: What could I do? It was Cougar Town.
Jeff: If you want me to take it seriously, stop saying its name.

Harrison Ford is irradiating our testicles with microwave satellite transmissions!

Jeff

Jeff: Hey troy sneezes like a girl
Troy: How about I pound you like a boy... that didn't come out right

Yeah, you're both so different. Skinny bitches.

Shirley

I need help reacting to something.

Abed

Pierce: abed, Your social skills aren't exactly streets ahead, know what I mean?
Abed: I don't.
Jeff. you're not alone in this case. Pierce, stop trying to coin the phrase, streets ahead
Pierce: Trying? Coined and minted.

Pierce: So what's the deal Jeff, you leave your stones in your other suit? Why didn't you wrap that guy in the face?
Jeff: For the same reason I floss, have a bed frame, and keep my guitar in its case. I'm over 23.

Community Quotes

Abed: This is kinda like Breakfast Club, right?
Pierce: Is there breakfast?

The state bar has suspended my license. They found out my college degree was less than legitimate.

Jeff