Community Season 1 Episode 8: "Home Economics" Quotes
Draw the tape worm out of him with the bowl of milk that is your sexualityAbed [to Britta about Jeff]
Abed: Sometimes I like to pour hot chocolate mix into cold milk and drink it with hot cocoa, I call it special drink
Jeff: And some day you will know it by its true name, diabetes
Jeff: Every piece of that condo is a piece of my life
Britta: Is that a bidet?
Jeff: That part is for resale value and Saturday afternoons
The next person that offers me pity will be mentioned by name in my suicide noteJeff
Abed: Jeff, did I say anything in my sleep last night about farm animals or Brian Williams?
Jeff: ...I don't think so.
Abed: Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 
Maybe you're one of those rare people with nothing underneath the surface. Maybe, if you put stain remover on a turd, you don't get a diamond. You just get a turd, with less direction in lifeBritta
TV's the best dad there is. TV never came home drunk. TV never forgot me at the zoo. TV never abused and insulted me... unless you count Cop RockJeff
Love is a gamble always, but waiting won't change the dice. Either you roll them or you lose your turnShirley [to Annie]
Downgrading your lifestyle is your chance to grow as a person, maybe even become one.Britta [to Jeff]
Pierce: Before AIDS, sex was like shaking hands.
Abed: Hence AIDS
Britta: Are you okay? It looks like you have actual bedhead this morning.
Jeff: In fashion, I'm what's known as a taste-maker.
Britta: And you missed an entire side of your face shaving.
Jeff: And next month, so will Gwen Stefani
Let's say two people are in a class together and one wants to ask another one out on a grownup date.. but within biking distance of his parents houseTroy