Britta: Jeff, why are people staring at you?
Jeff: Because they've never seen a man who's had sex before?

Normally, we don't concern ourselves with adultery. Because then hotels wouldn't exist.

Hotel Attendant

For the first time in my long history of being locked inside things, I knew someone would come.


Abed: You gotta let me out!
Toby: No, not until Stockholm Syndrome sets in.

And I asked myself, what does space smell like?

Convention Speaker

Do they even have to talk? They could just touch tentacles and download.


Did you know that in ancient Greece, it was considered an honor to invite a person my age to a space convention?


Do we want [Abed] to freak out and have to rescue him from some fantasy world where submarines are small enough to enter the bloodstream?


Calling for help? A for help.


Ghosts can't go through doors, stupid. They're not fire!


Annie: I lost Abed!
Troy: I told you to never let him out of your sight! That goes double for holidays and wax museums!

Pierce: If you knew what spooked me, you'd probably call me crazy and old.
Jeff: No one's going to call you, Pierce.

Community Quotes

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]

Pop, pop, Captain.