(in letter) I hope you enjoyed my work again. You can't stop me because what are you going to do, not have butts?

Ass Crack Bandit

Oh, bloody hell, my shoe is untied by British standards.

Professor Duncan

Annie: Creepy.
Dean Pelton: I don't know--add some doilies and a foot bath and this is my mom's house.

Don't tell me what I can't do! What are you, Cosmo's July quiz?

Dean Pelton

We know that he hates money. Or loves it. Or doesn't care about money and hates butts. Or loves them.


This is the biggest PR crisis to hit Greendale since we held that rally protesting the wrong Korea.

Dean Pelton

Abed: There's a two day course called "Nicolas Cage: Good or Bad?" I'm signing up--I've always wanted to know.

I thought the meaning of people was somewhere in here. Then I looked inside Nicolas Cage and I found a secret--people are random and pointless.


I don't know--if I was in 70 films over 30 years, and spent each one talking at random volumes, I might accidentally win an Oscar.


There are two things I don't do well--apologies and drawing duck bills.

Buzz Hickey

The teachers here are teachers because they did something wrong--same as the students!


Shut up, Leonard. Nice earring--you look like the road manager of the California Raisins.


Community Quotes

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]

Pop, pop, Captain.