Richard: How tall are you, anyway?
Dean: Why, you want to dance?
Richard: No, thank you. (thinks about it) But I appreciate the offer though.

Richard: I paid Yale a great deal of money. Getting Rory in would be a breeze.
Lorelai: We don't like breezes, they mess up our hair.

Paris: We're going to reveal the seedy underbelly of small towns -- starting with yours.
Rory: Stars Hollow does not have a 'seedy underbelly'. We don't even have a meter maid.

Rory: Poor Dean.
Lorelai: Poor Dean, he has to spend one evening with him. I share chromosomes with the guy.

Richard: Lorelai?
Lorelai: Yes, Dad?
Richard: May I speak to you for a moment?
Michel: (under his breath; in a sing-song voice) Someone is in trouble.

Lorelai: So, Dad, how's retired life treating you?
Richard: Well, fascinating actually! I find myself noticing things, everyday things that I must've witnessed a hundred times before and just walked right pass. Like yesterday your mother moved a vase, the one in the hall, and see didn't do it in front of me
Lorelai: No, no! 'Cause nice girls never move vases in front of men.
Richard: (ignoring Lorelai's comment) and she only moved it a little, but as I passed it by I noticed it had been moved!
Rory: Impressive!
Richard: And everyday is a new discovery! Your mother changed her hair, or she wore shoes that didn't match her purse!
Emily: Richard!
Richard: Last Thursday!
Emily: Oh, for heaven's sake!

Well, the worst that can happen is that I spend some time in your town and suddenly have an urge to enter a pie in the county fair.

Paris

Jess: Nice picture.
Rory: (sarcastically) Gee, thanks.
Jess: You're very popular right now. I bet if you burn a few books, they'll probably make you mayor.
Rory: This is ridiculous.
Jess: I don't know, bet you have a lot of supporters on this. Pat Buchanon, Jerry Falwell, Kathie Lee Gifford.
Rory: (annoyed) Bye.
Jess: Aw, come on, it's a little funny.
Rory: No, being the poster girl for censorship is not a little funny. The only videos not behind that curtain are Bambi and Dumbo. I mean, they actually had a meeting earlier about whether or not Babe should be behind the curtain so as not to offend people who keep kosher!
Jess: It's a crazy world we live in.

Luke: (about Paris, who is annoying him) Rory, how much do you like this girl?
Rory: Do what you gotta do, Luke.

I am an annoyance to my wife and a burden to my daughter. I suddenly know what it's like to be obsolete.

Richard

Lorelai: Hey, I got your note.
Rory: Yeah, well, putting it in the mallomars was a pretty safe bet.

Lorelai: Fill me up.
Luke: That's your sixth cup.
Lorelai: Yes it is.
Luke: How 'bout some tea?
Lorelai: Absolutely, throw it in with the coffee.

Gilmore Girls Season 2 Quotes

Emily: ...Rory finished in the top 3 percent!
Lorelai: I know.
Emily: You do? Well, who do you know at Chilton?
Lorelai: Um...Rory. (points at Rory)

Emily: So, what would everyone like to drink?
Lorelai: Uh, well, I'll have a white wine and Dean'll have a beer.
Dean: What?! (taken by surprise)
Lorelai: Corona, right?
Dean: (completely panicked) No, I don't want a beer! I don't drink beer. I'll have water or soda or anything. Or nothing. Not beer. Never beer. Beer is... beer's bad.
Emily: Relax Dean, that's just Lorelai's little sense of humor. (to Lorelai) You're very cruel.
Lorelai: Well, yes, keeps me young.
Dean: I'm just gonna sit here and stare at my hands.
Emily: Soda Dean?
Dean: Please.
Emily: Rory?
Rory: Oh, I'll have a beer. (Emily and Lorelai laugh) I'm sorry Dean, we're not laughing at you.
Lorelai: Oh wait, I think I was.
Emily: I think I was a little too. (Richard walks in) Oh Richard, there you are. Come join us.
Lorelai: Hey Dad.
Rory: Grandpa, hi. This is Dean. Dean, this is my Grandpa.
Dean: Hi. Sorry, uh, hi. (he gets ups and walks over to Richard)
Richard: Hello.
Dean: (offers to shake his hand) It's uh... it's nice to meet...
Richard: (ignores Dean's hand) Does everyone have drinks?
Lorelai: Uh yeah, we all have drinks. Thanks.
Dean: (he moves back to his seat and whispers to Lorelai) Should we do the beer thing again?
Lorelai: Uh, I don't think so.