I'm gonna check your holes. If there's nothing there, we'll have to get kinky.


You seriously think it would kill her if we spent 15 seconds mocking you?


If this should somehow lead to Lucas dying, or oral sex, so be it. Namaste.


A friend can't buy an overpriced Italian Espresso machine for another friend without a motive?


Foreman: You're gonna sleep with another woman tonight, and then go home to your wife:
House: Thank God someone's keeping an eye on what's important.

Taub: I am going out with Mya tonight... with Rachel's permission.
Foreman: Mazel Tov?

At this point, either I walk away, or I try accept who you really are.

Taub's wife

I'm getting a lecture in communication from someone who had her lawyer tell me she wanted a divorce.


I'm 5'6" and have a receding hairline. I hate genetics.


Sam: When did you get all OCD?
Wilson: I just want clean dishes and cold milk so we can all stay healthy.

What about sex? I'm talking about the patient. Is that cool?


Taub: So the only time you're interested in my marriage is when you can blow it up?
House: You're the moron who took marital advice from Tila Tequila.

House Season 6 Episode 18 Quotes

House, on a list of your attributes, there's nothing that even rhymes with coy.


He's just trying to get into your skirts. And I don't mean metaphorically.