Lily: Whenever we're alone you spend the entire time undressing me with your eyes, you even take off my shoes.
Barney: High heels chafe my shoulders.

Robin: I'm so sorry, you must think I'm totally disgusting.
Marshall: I totally do.

Barney: Told yah, The Mermaid Theory, it's a thing. You owe me five hundred bucks.
Marshall: Did we bet on this?
Barney: Let's say yes.

Mark my words, Marshall, someday you will find Iris so excruciatingly attractive you won't be able to look her directly in the boobs.

Barney

Robin: Right, Marsh Madness?
Marshall: No doubt, Robo Cop.
Lily: You two never hang out alone. You just made up those names right now.

Marshall: Did you catch the game last night?
Robin: Yeah, nail biter.

Lily: And the most important rule of all...
Barney: Lubricant is public property.

Lily: Anytime a single guy hangs out with a married woman there are rules that must be followed. Rule number one...
Barney: Don't use the husband's condoms, that's just rude.

Robin: Hey Captain, quick question. What do you think about the Jonas Brothers?
Marshall [covering the right half of the Captain's face]: He hates that he loves them.

How I Met Your Mother Season 6 Episode 11 Quotes

Lily: Anytime a single guy hangs out with a married woman there are rules that must be followed. Rule number one...
Barney: Don't use the husband's condoms, that's just rude.

Robin: Hey Captain, quick question. What do you think about the Jonas Brothers?
Marshall [covering the right half of the Captain's face]: He hates that he loves them.